Meet Dave from 1PointPerspective, the 3rd Place Winner of The Green Study Holiday Humor Contest. I’ve enjoyed reading his blog over the last year, which is often funny and sometimes downright irreverant. The 3rd Place winner had a donation made on his behalf to the Red Cross and was sent a priceless postcard (actually it cost a buck twenty) from Minneapolis.
A Game of Dad-and-Mice
by Dave at 1PointPerspective
There was a magical time when I believed in Santa. It was too long ago for me to recall. In retrospect, I was such a scaredy cat as a child, I was probably terrified of the jolly fat man.
I come from a family of four boys – each of us only separated by a year or so from the next oldest or youngest. Since we were so close in age, if one of us found out anything juicy, we’d all know within minutes.
Once we discovered that Santa was actually Mom and Dad, everything changed. From my parents first unexplained shopping trip after Thanksgiving until sometime Christmas Eve, there was an elaborate game of cat and mouse between us boys and Dad. I’m sure my long-suffering mother played a role, but we knew that Dad was the strategic mastermind.
The game was simple. Dad hid our presents until he and Mom had a chance to wrap them. Then he had to re-hide them until Christmas morning at 2 A.M. when we’d finally be asleep, and he could put them under the tree.
The re-hiding of the wrapped presents was critical, as my brother Chris had nearly psychic abilities of interpreting the contents of a given box merely by shaking, listening and smelling the wrapping paper. My approach usually involved a slight corner-tear and then clumsily covering my tracks with scotch tape repairs.
Dad had relatively few options for hiding anything, as my brothers and I had the run of the house, and there wasn’t a single locking door.
My parents’ closet was the first place to look. Between Dad’s sports jackets, garish wide ties and Mom’s “stuff”, there wasn’t much room. As the only female among us, Mom’s clothing items defied more description than that.
The attic was prime hiding real estate as was the spider-filled closet under the basement stairs. Due to my lack of bravado, both were good choices. Still, the lure of toys-to-come could overcome my fear of tarantulas and man-eating, dusty boxes from Nanny’s house.
One year we stumbled onto the motherload. There were piles of bags from toy and department stores. We couldn’t believe it! The old man had really slipped up this time. There wasn’t even a hint of wrapping paper. My brothers and I strategized on how best to unload the bags without leaving clues. We carefully lifted out the first item – an EZ Bake Oven!? Beneath that was a doll. We glanced at each other as we slowly realized that these gifts weren’t ours. We put the girlie gifts back and left, confused and defeated.
We later found out that a coworker of my Dad’s had a bunch of daughters who were probably looking at our baseball gloves and GI Joes a few towns away with similar confusion. The two evil geniuses had each conspired to hide the booty at the other’s home.
We’d made a classic blunder and underestimated our opponent.
Dad seemed especially jolly that Christmas morning.
Be sure to get your jollies and check out his blog. Here are a few of his favorite gems: