Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It

/ Michelle at The Green Study

canstockphoto1323495Over the last few years, I’ve written blog post after blog post about making changes with a mind towards writing. I quit paid work. I quit volunteering. I set up my study, surrounded by books, many of them about writing. I am supported by the people in my life. I talk about writing. I read about writing. I write about writing. On occasion, I even write things that aren’t about writing.

The only person in my life who doesn’t take me seriously as a writer is me.

The door is open wide and I look desperately out of windows, jumping at anything that is not writing. It’s an odd compulsion that I’m at a loss to explain. I read somewhere that writing is hardest for writers. This makes no sense to me. When I’m in my writing groove, I’m so damned happy. But I’m a dilettante, without rigor or discipline. And the time for lying to myself is over.

I’ve been a consummate caregiver. But my child needs less from me. My mother-in-law is moving into a nursing home. I’m becoming increasingly less employable and less relevant to others as each moment passes. The closer I get to unfettered time, the more conflicted and lost I feel. But the cost to my psyche of not writing is starting to outweigh everything else.

If you daydream about a day when you didn’t have to work and could devote yourself full-time to writing…if you wished that those around you supported and encouraged you…if you wished that you had the perfect writing space…if – if – if.

canstockphoto10947379Real writers know this is a shell game. I have met all my “if” conditions and I am no more a writer than I was at the height of activity – working, volunteering, caregiving. For me, calling myself a writer was just a lie to make all that other shit worth it. I could feel that I had a higher purpose, even when kissing someone’s ass in an office or getting barfed on by my child. I could always tell myself that when I had more time, I’d be awesome.

Well, it turns out I’m not awesome. I’m a procrastinator, a hustler trying to put up a good front. I remember watching a commencement speech by Neil Gaiman. He talked about how he got jobs by lying about where he’d been published and then made it a point of honor to get published later at the places about which he lied. Like him, I’m going to call myself  “chronologically challenged”. My talk has preceded my walk.

There are many people who write/blog/create memes about writing. I know – I’ve read or seen many of them, because it was something that I could do instead of write. I don’t experience muses or inspiration or manic writing. I lost the poetry of my adolescent years and the sentimentality of my twenties. My thirties were dominated by marriage and child-rearing. And here I am, wrapping up my forties in a clusterfuck of unresolved personal issues and middle-aged angst.

canstockphoto12404837Here’s the thing about inner conflict: it’s the heart of everything. It’s the recognition that you are your best friend and your worst enemy. It’s the battle between what was, what is and what will be. It’s the ultimate choosing of right and wrong, of what feeds you or what sucks your soul dry. It’s grabbing your childhood by the throat and saying “enough already!” It’s learning how to take all those chronic character flaws and turn them in your favor. It’s recognizing that there are certain things that you will never change about yourself.

I’ve been struggling the last couple of years, swinging wildly between determination and defeat. These last four months were a long finishing punch. It turns out that I do have a muse. An insistent, rather violent one who favors tankards of coffee, swear words and surprise hook punches. Okay, okay, I get it. I’m tapping out. You can stop now.

I’m putting a spin on my forties, when I decided I’d become a martial artist, super mom, Japanese ink painter, personal trainer, officer of the law, marathoner, web genius, everywhere volunteer and organic vegan superfreak. It was all research for writing. It sounds so much better than a midlife panic.

canstockphoto16261737It’s time to ante up or fold. I’ve run off in a thousand different directions and always, always, I come back to writing. And the only opposition to me seriously pursuing it, is me.

That’s a little embarrassing, considering the very real obstacles a lot of artists encounter. But so is getting kicked in the face by a 12 year old in taekwondo, painting bamboo 5,000 times and having it still look like a tulip, running so slow that I get lapped by the senior walkers, farting while bench pressing, nearly passing out during public speaking and offending people in the regular course of my life just by being me. What’s being a failed writer going to do? Humiliate me? Hell, I got this.

So I’m taking the best writing advice I’ve ever read and running with it: write. Set hours, set commitment, failure possibly imminent. I can always become an origami instructor if it doesn’t work out. canstockphoto8251234

783 thoughts on “Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It”

  1. I’ve heard it said numerous times that writers write. I, too, have spent several years reading about writing, talking about writing, daydreaming about writing, and looking for the easy way to stardom. Two things happened that woke me up and unblocked me. First, I met a writer/artist at a creative company I worked for in the 90s, and we started dating. She introduced me to journaling and helped me see my talents. We used to spend nights lying on her bed writing, then reading our work to each other. I learned what it meant to find my muse. Second, I accepted a part-time position at the public library in my home town. It is through the library job that I met a poet/writer who introduced me to blogging. His site has had over 100,000 hits since the 70s. I joined the library poetry group and started writing more poems. I dusted off my old stuff and shared it with the group. The more I wrote, the more I wrote. I started having “bad days” when I didn’t write. I wrote prose, poetry, serial crime stories, bible study lessons and political commentary. I picked up an audience, including some of my library co-workers. They said they liked my “voice.” That my writing flowed and was descriptive. (Of course, I had a hard time believing any of this.) Yes, sometimes I let too many days lapse between posts or journal entries, but I am growing as a writer every day. So I encourage you to write, write, write. Write for yourself first, and then worry about the audience. Don’t use passive voice. “Timid” writers are boring. I’m convinced that fear is at the root of most bad writing. And finally, read, read, read. Now get to work. I’m following your blog and I am anxious to hear what you have to say.

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    • It’s funny that people read this post so many different ways. Many, like you, thought it was an issue of voice or blockage or fear. For me, it’s an issue of telling myself to stop screwing around and take my writing a little more seriously, so that I have something to show for it at the end of the day.

      It sounds like your journey to writing is a very unique one and that you’ve been lucky along the way to have people who recognized what you could do. Thanks for sharing that. It’s interesting to me how people find their way. Best wishes to you on your continuing journey!

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  2. I am so glad to read an article like this written by another fellow writer. Even more so, someone who has met all those pre-conditions we writers set for ourselves before we can say we write “full time”. I still work and I still write, but boy do I still procrastinate! Thanks for simultaneously giving every writer out there a sympathetic ear and a kick up the ass to just do it! Couldn’t agree more- as long as you write, you’re a Writer

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    • I think for me, it’s also a common sense recognition that it was silly for me to carry around the desire to be a writer and then not do anything about it. One can only live with that sort of disconnect for so long, before it becomes a baldfaced lie. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

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      • In my studies in psychology (15 years ago!) I learned about life stages. As people move through life they enter certain stages where they must fulfil tasks. For example in your twenties you establish your career, in your thirties own a house and in your fourties be married and have a family. This is a very rough description of this theory. I never fitted into these stages chronologically and people who don`t can feel very frustrated. Some express irritation that their life is mapped out and in the late fifties when the children have left the nest begin to question the meaning of life itself. I believe I “dance to the beat of a different drum” and one of the things that has helped me be myself is by writing. I am a new author and I have written a novel The Golden Age Dawns. I have expressed in my different characters my own experiences of life and I have found it very liberating to use all my positive and negative experiences for the some of the thinking and behaviours of some of my characters. They are all maladjusted in some ways. Two of the characters are very unhappy with their lives but when they make a decision to devote all their time to what they really want to do their lives change in extraordinary ways. Some characters did things that I didn`t plan they would do and eventually took on a life of their own!. It has been one of the best experience of my life and I deeply hope that I can continue writing for many years. I am already planning my second book! Visit my site and post a comment.

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        • Thank you Michelle for your kind e-mail. I`m in my forties and I`ve learned some lessons the hard way. But at this point in my life I know that if you really want something to happen,believe that it will, with all your heart. See what you want in your minds eye, feel what it would be like to have it. Ask and you shall receive!

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      • Hi Michelle
        I heard today that 127 people died in Paris today from an attack by ISA. Imagine what would happen if every peace-loving writer wrote a message of peace, a piece of writing expressing a desire for peace in the world. Any writer, at every level of writing ability, writing on any means available to them like e-mail, blogging, poetry, writing in a magazine or paper, writing in a book. How many billions of peace messages there would be. There is a saying that the pen is mightier than the Sword!

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        • I’ve thought about this comment quite a lot this week and did write a post in reference to the murders in Paris, but thought better of publishing it. There’s a lot of noise out there and keeping silent is sometimes akin to being complicit, but in this case, I think I’d just be adding to the noise. It did lead me to write the next draft though, so thank you for that.

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        • That`s true Michelle. I suppose I can be a little outspoken when it comes to people`s rights and well-being. In Ireland where I live we had violence in Ireland for many years due to issues in Northern Ireland. Parts of my book The Golden Age Dawns are inspired by these events. If the peace loving people stand by and do nothing that`s when the situation gets worse. That`s just my experience.

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        • You are so right Michelle. It`s easy for a voice to be lost among all this communication from social media and other sources. That`s where some of my inspiration for my book came from. I want to make certain points within the story and I felt writing a book would be a better medium for me than any other communication. Time will tell!

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  5. I love your point about finding all the things to do that aren’t writing instead of writing–I know I’m guilty of that, big time! And it is inspiring to see your determination to get past that and do the things you want to do. Thanks for sharing!

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      • I get it. I’m a master procrastinator and fight that inclination all the time. My reality check is when I realize how long I’ve talked about doing something, but don’t follow through. I finally started blogging a year ago after thinking about it for six years. It took an abusive work assignment to realize I could be creative and crank out some thoughtful words.

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  9. If this is you not being good I wonder how amazing you will be when you finally believe your good. But I think writers can never be satisfied with what they write themselves.
    I’m really impressed by the passion you have for writing.

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  10. Holla! I am so in the same place, Michelle. I stupidly announced yesterday to my husband and my daughter than I’m writing a book. When I have an outline and one kinda chapter and a couple of ideas and that’s it. Why, why don’t I just do it and shut up about it? Damn!

    Congrats on the Freshly Pressed – you totally deserve it.

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    • Hi Peg! Oh, yes, the death knell of most projects, until I get into them, is to make that grand announcement. I got a little superstitious about my ideas for awhile because I had done that so many times and not followed through. But in the end, what matters is if you really want to do it, you will and everybody else can just shut their pie holes. Good luck to you and thanks for the congrats!

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  11. Right–so go and write! Sounds silly, but writing daily (hours if you can, minutes if that what happens) will become such a habit and a profound need that when you can’t or don’t it feels….like you are absolutely in the wrong body, like something is deeply, madly wrong. You will so glad you did it, at last. I’m pulling for you–writers, unite!

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  15. What you have said resonates with me, and so many others. It’s sometimes easier to talk about doing something than to face the uncertainty and do that thing anyway. I believe that knowing the challenges is the first step to overcoming them and I wish you luck with your writing. If it’s like this post it will be wonderful!

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    • Thank you for the kind words. Uncertainty, for someone who likes to be in control, does seem daunting. On the other hand, I’ve done so many other things, including many that I’ve failed at, that this shouldn’t be such an obstacle. But I think that writing is THE thing for me and have believed that most of my life. If you fail the thing you want to do most, what is left? Still, I’ve learned that the most joy is in the learning and the process – the results take care of themselves.

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    • It all depends on what being “someone” actually means to you. You are someone. If you mean someone famous, the odds are not in your favor. For all the media blitz that a very small percentage of the population attains, most of us don’t. Being someone to me, means being someone of substance and you only become that if you learn, experience and do, all while critically thinking. That’s a someone I would like to meet. Best wishes to you on your journey!

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  20. This almost brought me to tears of sheer relevancy. Apparently, the #struggleisreal even until middle age, and yet, we create our own struggles after all. People should realize early on that if pocrastination were a struggle, then laziness is death itself. As Annie Dillard once wrote, “…the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive.” Thank you for these words.

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    • I tend to stay away from strong, overarching statements/sentiments. We, as humans, are extremely complex and there is no one-size-fits-all. We are not one thing all the time. Life is a struggle, but that’s okay – it’s how we become stronger and learn and find our way. Good luck on finding yours!

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  24. This is soo me, all day! I lost my job and suddenly had that time to write but I mostly wasted it until I got my job back. Now I can go back to my excuse of “I don’t have time.” Why is it so hard to do the thing we love??? I’m guessing because that love is so powerful, it’s intimidating. Keep writing! Clearly your words resonate with people.

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    • It’s a puzzler for me, too, but it’s funny, now that I’m applying myself, I’ve begun to realize what hard work it is. Even to do the thing I love. It might be that we just don’t want to do something that is difficult, which would be keeping entirely with human nature. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  25. Hi. I think that you’ve found your motivation this time. And nothing is going to stop you.
    I’m still in my twenties. And when I read the part in your post about how you’ve lost the poetry of adolescent years and you feel your twenties have been wasted…it really hit me.
    Know that you’ve inspired a writer through your post. And I’m sure you’re going to find inspiration in this.
    Good luck!

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  27. Something I can relate to! One of my most impressive works of procrastination was spending nine hours painting signs using dried cranberries instead of writing. Ten hours of time: 250 words and 2 one of a kind cranberry paintings produced.

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    • That is impressive! I am creepily organized due to sitting at my desk and resisting writing. That’s right, my paperclips are sorted, I only have the pens I like, my stapler is filled and my monitor is super clean. Now, what was I doing here? Oh, yeah, writing…

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  28. It’s all about what story you have to tell. Once you have the story figured out and characters you care about, the writing will start to flow. I’m writing on 4 novels right now while I’m working two jobs. So I basically have three jobs haha. Writing is hard work, no doubt. So keep it up!

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  31. Okay as much as this scares me, you write amazing. I could feel each and every word. I’m 17 years old, I’m a Procrastinator and I lie to myself about being amazing I suppose all the time. I really love how you have been able to be so upfront with your emotions. I really hope you have something amazing coming your way ♡. And I do understand that even though everyone can read this they don’t know what it actually feels like and it is really easy for me to just comment online.

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    • It’s hard, as a 48 year old, not to sound like a condescending jerk when talking to a 17 year old. Procrastination is apparently a universal experience, but there is nothing to be scared of in terms of being amazing. Some of us come out of the womb an American Idol, but some of us are slow-brewing. I am okay with being a tortoise. All the experiences in my life have led me here, a good place to be. It’s not everyone’s pace and I know 48 sounds ancient, but you’ll find your own rhythm and pace and path. Best wishes to you on your journey!

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      • Michelle,
        If you’re a sexagenarian like me (63), you remember 48 as the prime of life, so live it up. You’ll want to sit more when you’re my age, and you’ll have lots more to write about.

        According to me, procrastination fuels creativity and health. It allows for plans to grow and the project to be approached more efficiently. As you get older, it permits you to flop on the couch awhile and thank your body for being so cooperative.

        Sincerely,
        Bookie Worm
        an alter ego of katharineotto.wordpress.com
        *independent country of one*
        $world’s only free market capitalist$

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  34. Pingback: Celebrating Bloggers: 3 Amazing Posts on Bird Cuddling, Harry Potter and Writing | Radhika Mukherjee

    • i just had a conversation about guilt with my 11-yr old. It serves the purpose of telling us we may have done the wrong thing. If we examine that, make amends and learn from it, at that point, guilt is useless, but it does serve as a guide initially. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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      • Seems like something is stopping you, is what I was saying. Let go. Guilt, shame, rage & embarrassment are all emotions I have let go of recently & my writing is flowing. 😊 your journey is obviously different to mine but good luck xx

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      • Seth, in the Jane Roberts series, divides guilt into two categories: “Natural” guilt and “artificial” guilt. “Natural guilt” is equivalent to learning from a mistake, and deciding not to do the same thing again. “Artificial guilt” is that imposed by society, such as feeling guilty over obesity or missing church.

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    • I worked for a recruiting firm for enough years to know that the kind of gap I now have on my resume will land me firmly in the “you are not a fit for what we are looking for” response should I have to interview for a real job. There’s simply no choice but to get this writing thing off the ground or becoming a very bitter barista. Best wishes to you as well!

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  41. I know you think you lack the time and or talent to write, but go back and read this blog post out loud to yourself. Listen to the timing, the rhythm. This flows so nicely and does that which I can’t do, what really good writers do … tell as simple story with many words, from different perspectives, with out being repetitive. Maybe it’s the engineer in me, but I have always written succinctly, I want to write more like this post. Good luck with your journey.

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  42. A very thoughtful and pithy takedown of procrastination, mostly. I do most of those things, if that’s any help. The best writer I ever knew had a set routine and used it religiously 5 or 6 days a week. About three hours of writing, maybe four, per day, was his main goal. Thanks for the work.

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  44. Love this piece, and relate to it. After years at various mind-numbing jobs, I’m staying home to care for my two babies. Whatever free time I have (less than I would’ve thought!) is devoted to writing…

    It’s easy to imagine you would, of course, be wildly successful if you only had the opportunity, but getting it is another story. Slogging through a job here and a job there, my confidence threatens to wilt.

    And I’ve also found that I like to work blue. I have a mommy blog, which tend not to be blue, and an trying to reconcile my inspiration with my audience. 🙂

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    • I thought I’d have more free time once I left my job, once my daughter started school, etc., etc. It never seems to be as much as we imagine! Now I’m at a point where I have to get the work done and stop giving into very, very plausible excuses (housework, chores, errands,etc.). There will always be something else.

      I’ve always been fairly profane, but I take it in good measure with writing. If not used sparingly, it can bulldoze over the message or story. Best wishes to you in your blue and non-blue writing!

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  49. I’m just at my petty quarter-life crisis here, but I laughed all the way through this post. This is every writer tangled up in her short-comings and inner conflict. I especially enjoyed reading this, I definitely needed it right now, particularly the great advice at the end. Thanks!

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  51. Thank you for this piece. It’s inspiring and comforting for someone with almost thirty angst. My childhood runs through my head all day while I sit in my sorrows wondering: “what have I done?”

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  58. Yes I too want to write full time, like you I too am thinking “I suck badly and should stop at all costs” but luckily I am not listening, I mean I am because I heard myself think it but then I’m not because I’m not listening with my heart

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  61. Pingback: In The Unlikely Event of My Happiness | The Green Study

  62. Try researching Conscious Writing. (www.iaccw.com) its a holistic process that allows one to access the whole, authentic self instead of only your mind, allowing connection to the creative consciousness. Its a freeing, transformative force that allows one to write with their true voice.

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  66. Michelle, this was like reading a post I wrote myself from the future. You’ve described the feelings, anxieties, worries and setbacks I’ve experienced or can see myself experiencing now. This was a startling reminder that discipline is fundamental, and completing “something is better than it perfect.” You’ve held up the mirror to myself–and I’m sure many others feeling the same way–and I thank you for it. Couldn’t have written it any better, thanks for sharing and best of luck!

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    • Thanks for the kind words on the writing. I’m starting to feel like the poster child for “Middle Aged People Gone Wrong”, which makes me laugh. Discipline is critical to any pursuit. What I’ve found is that I’ve spent a lifetime being structured and disciplined, but hadn’t yet applied it to writing. I’m looking forward to seeing how that works out for me. Good luck in your endeavors as well!

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  72. This is actually my blog virginity in regards to having my own and searching other domains within to see what other users are posting. I think this post might’ve set the tone for me! Writers are highly respected. Granted, this is coming from a 26 year old who works at a digital publisher. Despite the bias, good reading and look forward to checking out others!

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  75. I love the your title, Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It. Being. It is easy to say, “I am…”, it is totally different to be. I have stepped off the porch to BE what I am choosing to be, and it is wonderful. I have been constantly amazed at the chain of events that have occurred since I decided to take fiction out of my head and make it real. Good luck!

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  81. I felt like you described my life. And I’m still in my twenties. Goodness. I saw my life literally flash before my eyes as I was reading and got a little nervous. I tell people I’m an author, a writer. Why the heck don’t I just WRITE!? 🙂

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  82. Ah. The ultimate struggle. I get such the feels from this as 12 days ago I began a daily word count just to get my novel finished that I began five years ago and then let sit for a couple years. Now that I’m writing it, truly trying to finish it, I’m happy because I’m making progress, but days like today, I just want to stop because I know what I’m currently writing sucks and I have nothing pertinent to the story to add. Then I remind myself that that’s what revision is for.

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  83. This is a great piece! I totally relate to it…I often wish I would just get on with the things I want to do, whether it be writing or studying and stopped thinking about them! Or better still…dreaming about them! Thanks for this! 🙂

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  87. Reblogged this on Celestial Calling and commented:
    “I’ve run off in a thousand different directions and always, always, I come back to writing. And the only opposition to me seriously pursuing it, is me.”
    It is remarkable how this post truly depicts the situation I am currently having. The possibility of having a great piece of writing is endless but the one hesitating is me. It is always me. I am self-driven yes but I can’t believe that would backfire me one day and apparently this is currently that day.
    But because it is endless I can’t say yes to deprivation forever, I have to wake up, sip my morning H20, run the extra miles, re-red what I’ve read, write, sleep and repeat.
    That for me is moving my leg forward.

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  88. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | Celestial Calling

    • Thank you. I just finished reading The War of Art, as it had been recommended to me before. It didn’t resonate with me as much as I’d hoped, but I also think I’ve likely burned myself out on writing guidance. That’s a pretty good indicator that I just need to write and stop reading about it!

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  93. Reblogged this on cross-ties and commented:
    Michelle at The Green Study writes: “There are many people who write/blog/create memes about writing. I know – I’ve read or seen many of them, because it was something that I could do instead of write. I don’t experience muses or inspiration or manic writing. I lost the poetry of my adolescent years and the sentimentality of my twenties. My thirties were dominated by marriage and child-rearing. And here I am, wrapping up my forties in a clusterfuck of unresolved personal issues and middle-aged angst.”

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  95. You so wrote my mind out! Writing is in my blood that runs in my veins, so I ignored it like how we usually take ourselves for granted. I wanted to do other things, more difficult things like research, a PhD and so on. Guess what? Everything went away and now all that I am left with, essentially, is my writing self!
    Do you think the Muse sabotaged my life till I reached this point ?!

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    • I like how you framed this as “taking ourselves for granted”. I never really thought about it that way. I’m certainly aware that I’ve taken a lot of time for granted.
      Sometimes I think our subconscious mind knows what we need and decisions and choices are made that get us moving in the right direction.

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  97. This is amazing…exactly a picture of myself… after college and about to start my career I tried everything miserably failed at almost everything…on the wings I am writing constantly but never share it to anyone. just writing and keeping it somewhere else… now I am on early thirties and still wondering what would really be my worth as human. Currently I started blogging, FINALLY having the guts to just write and immediately publish it. I am trying to constantly update blog once a week, and hoping somewhere down the road a clearer journey is on its way of discovery…hopefully through blogging I could start reinventing and daring myself to escape the safe side and do more spontaneous things…

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  98. This is the same frustrating, daily battle I encounter every time I write.
    I absolutely love your closing sentence about “failure possibly imminent”…I’m slightly tempted to write it out and post it on my wall! Great post and best of luck to you.

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    • Thanks for the kind words about the post. I’m all for embracing failure – it just gets a little scary when you’re doing something you love or feel destined for. But even then, failure is part of the process of getting better. Best wishes to you as well!

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  103. For me, it’s the fear of being irrelevant that’s paralyzing me. I’m in my 30s dealing with a career change, marriage, kids. I’m also wrestling with personal issues. I realized if I don’t do it now, then when will I?

    The best investment is getting an ipad that fits my purse. I write a bit during my commute, waiting for appointments, breaks, lunch, when my child is in bed. That’s been encouraging me.

    I’m also into yoga and meditation. It’s been helping me. It’s not for the new age types. You don’t even need to be religious to meditate. Meditation helped me face my fears and confront them. That helps me pursue writing as a first love and something that’s a big part of my life.

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    • I’m at the point where irrelevancy is less important than just doing something. The way our culture works so quickly these days, some people are barely out of the womb before they’re considered irrelevant.

      It sounds like you’re doing something and that something can often lead to more. I have to remind myself that even the littlest bit of work is still moving me forward.

      I use both meditation and yoga – often to deal with anxiety or to gain a fresh perspective. And walking as well – I can return from a walk in an entirely different mood than when I left. Whatever does the trick is fair game, right? Good luck as you figure things out for yourself!

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  109. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | My Second Life Secrets

  110. Oh yess…. this is me too. I’ve ditched the job and living a simple life away from it all but I still can’t find time to write! I now have too many ‘other’ projects as well as the blogging thing. Thanks for writing what we are all feeling…;)

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      • Mmmm…spent the morning making mango chutney, now writing up a different recipe for blog and looking wistfully at a pencil drawing of my mum’s cat I did yesterday and wondering if I should finish it? The book is sitting half done. There will never be enough hours. My problem is that I’m ok at a few things but not brilliant at any of them and based on how I work I never will be! I think I’ll be following as we are on the same wavelength!

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  111. I could have written so much of this. I’m blessed to be in a job that supports my writing by making it part of my job to encourage others and lead the way, through writing. Best wishes.

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  112. Hi, Michelle. I read your blog about Being Fiction, In stead of Writing It., and you know what i felt, it seems like a magnet for me dat i couldn’t help myself of reading it over and over again. Im in my mid-thirties and i love writing. but i am afraid to post my work bcoz i worried about my grammar its quite degrading. im scared mostly about critics. but da good thing is dat your blog did inspire me. WHAT IF? I TRY!. thank you and gudluck can’t wait to follow u more.

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    • I’ve been fortunate to have strong grammar skills, which does help, but the thing about grammar is that it can be learned. I am still learning about usage and structure – there’s a lot of resources out there. But the passion for writing and expressing oneself is generally not learned.

      The whole point of grammar is to be able to communicate effectively with others. It’s not a zero sum game – it’s not get it right or don’t try at all. As for critics, it’s always easier to criticize than to create. You just have to decide what is useful advice and what deserves to be ignored. Either way, it sounds like you need to write. Let’s get on with it!

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  113. I spoke with a three times published author today, who told me that the stories within her had to be told. Needed to be published, as if they weren’t her kids would look at the pages when she has passed on, saying,” what’s this stuff Mum has written? Just ramblings.” And into the garbage it will be placed.
    She said, “published writing may not make money, but it’s out there.”
    I agreed totally. Have myself spent ten years researching my family trees, and a year putting stories discovered into a fictitious setting. Now in the process of being edited. It’s exciting, scary as the process of publishing is foreign, costs money, and no one knows me. But, if this lady who was unknown to anyone except her immediate family and friends can do it, then so can I, and so can you, my friend. Begin! Begin! Begin!

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  114. Every now and then I want to be able to highlight sentences like I can on my kindle. Here’s what I would have:

    “It was all research for writing. It sounds so much better than a midlife panic.”

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  115. Origami instructors are weak. They always end up folding. 🙂

    Your writing is strong.

    I think it is a good sign for you, Michelle, that you always come back to writing. It means your divergent indulgences were just that, indulgences. Writing seems to be your true disease, and that’s what it takes. Welcome back to the infirmary.

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    • This is the funniest comment yet. I was thinking that origami instructors would be kind – you know, welcoming me into the fold and all that.

      I’m not much for sentiment or an innate sense that the universe has anything in mind for me, but I do recognize my pattern of behavior. At the end of the day, it’s always writing and reading for me. I better put on a robe and slippers. I’m not getting better any time soon.

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  116. “You are your best friend, you are your worst enemy”
    This line is really deep and we all need to let it sink and do some mind searching too. There’s hardly anyone in the world that can hold us back from achieving our goals and living the dream… its all on us. Everything we do either takes us further on the journey or holds us back.

    I think being in the right circle, having the right influence is really important to keep us focused and inspired in whatever we have set out to achieve… I used to write occasionally, being a perfectionist, the fear of not being perfect in my writing held me back a lot. I used to think I only got “lucky” whenever I wrote anything nice. But somehow a transformation occurred and now I have a blog where I post weekly, profound thoughts written by me. Writing beautifully has become a habit and the fear is all gone… what happened? ANS: I got influenced by reading the right books, the right articles. By immersing myself in the kind of writing I would like to write, I found myself… the writer in me.

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    • I’ve moved beyond the fear – and perfectionism rarely stops me these days. For me, it’s simply putting writing first in my day. Everything else needs to be built around that.

      While sometimes reading something will give me a needed inspirational boost, I’ve also found it can detract. Creating is such a personal experience and how we get there is our own path of discovery. Really the only thing that moves me forward is actually writing.

      Congrats on moving yourself forward and best wishes to you!

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  118. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | thewritingnomadic

  119. I can relate to this post. I am ‘writing full time’ while caring for kids etc. and it’s amazing how the fear of am I good enough? Can lead to procrastination and allowing all the other little things to take over all of my time. I’d say more, but after reading this I need to go write something.

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  120. Don’t be afraid to fail, because success won’t be earned without it. Believe in yourself and keep writing until something concrete sticks.

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  121. There is no such thing as a writer, of course. There is somebody who is writing, somebody who has written and somebody who intends to write something pretty damn soon. Only the first can aspire to noun status.

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  123. I have to say that was a very good read. I find myself saying the same things about painting and drawing…if I had the time I can be amazing, be a real “artist”. I’d say that falls along the lines of my writing too (I have many many creative hobbies). I’ve found that a lot of really doing it and being that writer or even artist is making time and forcing yourself to do things. I could relate so much to what you were saying in the sense that I can see myself thinking things things and feeling this way in the future. So thanks for that. It was insightful, brave, and quite funny.

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  137. I wanted to say something here but 703 people beat me to it. You must be exhausted from just answering the comments. Even if you didn’t list reader validation as an excuse for not writing…well now you can’t. Good article.

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  141. I’m brand new to writing! Or at least, brand new to blogging. I was that crazy girl in high school who actually LIKED doing essays for assignments.

    I have a wonderful mentor, a fellow blogger. She kept telling to stop thinking about all the reasons I couldn’t write. To stop pointing out to myself that I wasn’t trained, that I hadn’t done any special blogging courses. Instead, she encouraged me to open up my laptop, and just START WRITING. And I did… and I can’t stop!

    There’s still no way I’d call myself a ‘writer’. But I sure do love writing! ❤

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  142. I can totally relate to your post. I am myself a victim of the same disease that ails your creativity. Having procrastinated for years, I finally gave myself a push and started out with my blog. Hopefully I will be regular with my blogposts.

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  143. Pingback: Five Posts that Made Us Think | The Digital Past

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  145. I’m so glad to have read this blog. Just want to thank you for it; for lifting the lid, so to speak, on the world we have allowed ourselves to become.
    You say, you’re not awesome, you’re a procrastinator, you’re a hustler. Well, if it’s okay with you, I beg to differ.
    Today’s world is built on the myth that there are people out there who are awesome, who are decisive, who are the “genuine article”. These are the archetypal human beings that the rest of us can only aspire to. And they don’t exist, not really! You know, it doesn’t matter who you are; scratch the surface and you’ll find yourself echoed in others all around you. And, should you need proof, just look at all of the comments you’ve received. That’s because, every now and then, someone like you comes along, and just for a little bit, lifts the lid on themselves, so we can all see ourselves.

    Again, thank you so much.

    Oh, and by the way; I really like the writing!

    P

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    • Thank you very much for the kind words. It is interesting, when you listen to interviews of the established “greats” – at least the ones, as you say, who “lift the lids” and invariably the root of their greatness is that they simply were resilient. Failures did not faze them and the idea of success did not occupy their minds. It’s a great reality check for those of us who get confused and think we have to operate a certain way.

      Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment here!

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  146. I can so relate to your struggle! Thirteen years ago, I started a novel, at 3 pages a weekday over a 1 1/2 year period. Even having time off to write, having quit my job to raise kids, I’ve still procrastinated so much. The first draft of this novel was done 11 years ago and then just sat, unread, on my computer. About 6 years later, I revised it because it wasn’t good enough. Another 9 years later, I revised it again. Just now I’m starting to send it out to agents, but so slowly, dragging my feet by wasting time on so many other things.

    I’ve been blogging for five years, mostly about my expat experiences in Asia and the Middle East. I like the immediate gratification of blogging, having people who comment and read. Maybe that’s what’s missing from my creative writing “process,” if you can call it that. When I sit down to write, that’s what I tend to write, my blog, rather than working on getting my manuscript into a published piece of work!

    Your blog post is very well put! Thanks for sharing!

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    • Thank you. I’ve been listening to interviews and have gone to a couple of author lectures this fall that were enlightening. Some of these big name authors took years, sometimes more than a decade from the start of their novels to actual publication. That gives me such hope in terms of a writing timeline.

      This is a bit of knowledge that only comes to maturing writers – that quality work, work that you are invested in, may take a lot of time and that learning to enjoy the process becomes tantamount to having a happy creative life.

      Thanks so much for sharing your own creative timeline. Best wishes to you on your continuing journeys!

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  148. Reblogged this on S.A. Menary and commented:
    You have written my heart from a 44 year old writer who is doing literary speed dating tomorrow morning (face to face pitches to agents and publishers)

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  149. Ain’t it the truth? Just glue yourself on that chair! Even though the longer you sit, the less years you live. Excuses, excuses. . . just get one of those adjustable desks. What about varicose veins? So wear support hose. All kinds of distractions . . . Just write, right?

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  151. I love your heading which says it all.
    Me too. Want to write but wont sit down !!! Nothing stopping me but me.

    I have this on my bedroom door – to no avail 🙂
    Think of the many periods of grace which the gods have granted you of which you have not availed yourself. Marcus Aurelius.

    The rest of the quote :
    It is time now to realise the nature of the universe to which you belong, and of that controlling Power whose offspring you are; and to understand that your time has a limit set to it. Use it, then, to advance your enlightenment; or it will be gone, and never in your power again.”
    ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

    Maybe ironically ‘the fiction’ post has disposed of the fiction and realised the reality 🙂 Cheers.

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    • Love the quotes by Marcus Aurelius. I have to remind myself not to waste time regretting the time I have wasted. That’s a black hole I’d never get out of! There’s no doubt we humans have mastered taking time and turning it into useless rubbish when it could be so much more. Still, sit down and try one sentence. And maybe the next and the next.

      There’s another saying about the journey of a thousand miles starting with one step (I think it was Lao Tzu). In the case of a writer, every story starts with one sentence. Best wishes to you and thanks for reading!

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  152. Pingback: Five Posts that Made Us Think - Second Life Bloggers

  153. Thank you so much for sharing your experience so honestly. I feel I could have – or I probably already have – written a similar post, except less well-written. Thank you for this wake up call! And good luck with your writing!

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  154. Reblogged this on My thoughts, exactly and commented:
    I finally found a way to re-start my blog, all over again, for the 3rd (?) time! Thanks to Michelle whose blog, this specific one I am re-blogging, prompted my husband to ask what I was laughing about. Thank you so much! I could have written it myself except you write much better than I do. And like you, I will just get on with it and write. In the event of failure, I shall remain an Accountant.

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  156. Pingback: Blogwriting and Journaling refresher | vincentevanpee

  157. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | The Green Study | straykatstrut

  160. Your writing resonated so much with me. I’ve been working for over 30 years and I think I can write. I love the English language, love reading and try hard to build a good vocabulary (I keep a little notebook where I write words I like off a book). I also love cryptic crossword puzzles.
    In my past jobs, I was kinda recognized as a good writer. I believed in that and, without writing a word when I now have the world’s time, just waited for someone to approach me with a writing assignment. So wrong! Writing, like any other skill you want to perfect, requires constant, dedicated hard practice. And so I’ve started now. I just posted my first writing on my blog “stageofage”. Really happy to read your bolg. Keep going

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    • Thank you for reading and taking the time to share your own experience. I’ve thought about all the various jobs I’ve had for the last few decades and there were very few where I didn’t try to use my writing skills. Sometimes it takes a while for us to get the message. I wish you the best in your writing and on your blog!

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  161. Thank you for the inspiration to keep it up…. I’m only a journaling writer at the moment and love to express myself when I’m depressed, angry or confused with writing and recently I decided to just travel and write what I feel and blog when I have time to put my journal entries together! I’m keeping it up and hope someday publish something but for now I’m just writing when it heals! Do it for you!!

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    • You sound younger than me, so I can vouch for the fact that you are on the right track. Keep your journals, though, and periodically re-read where you were, compared to where you are now. I just found a 1975 travel diary of when I was backpacking around Europe. It begins in Paris. I was 22.

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      • Wow… Beautiful and similar to where life seems to be taking me as well! I’m heading toward Europe next I think (literally deciding on next 10 days where to next from Nepal)! This journey I’m on is sure to keep me writing and loving every moment along the way and I’m proud to finally start a blog myself and let it evolve from there!

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  162. If you are busy living your life, you are collecting data to be verbalized later. How will I describe this or that experience? Every moment is fraught with writing ideas, and my head spins with words through the most mundane activity.

    Books about writing tend to focus on technique rather than experience. In other words, I’d rather scratch in the dirt with my chickens than read a book about writing. The chickens give me more to write about. Also, according to a recent Atlantic magazine article, the soil contains bacteria that produce serotonin for free. It’s part of an eco-therapy movement that has doctors writing prescriptions to walk in the park. What will Obamacare think of next?

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  164. Pingback: The Green Study Potpourri (or What’s that Smell?) | The Green Study

  166. You are more than what you think you are. What we think will never measure up to our actual purpose. You have a gift and it is YOURS! Open that gift and embrace it. Embrace your greatness. Embrace YOU

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    • Sorry for the lateness in reply, I took December off from blogging. Thanks for reading and leaving such buoyant comment. I suspect I’m a bit jaded when it comes to the idea of having a gift. But I do believe in attempting to make the most of one’s potential. Same idea, I think, different terminology. Have a great 2016!

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      • It was surprising to read someone else’s excuses mirrored that of my own. When you put it into perspective it is silly to think “if I just had the right office, if I was only in the right state of mind etc.” But after I read your blog I forced myself to write. I was very surprised and thrilled with what I was able to do when I didn’t give myself an option. Best wishes to you as well 🙂

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