The Green Study’s “Positively Happy Nice Story” Contest: 2nd Place

canstockphoto142844612nd Prize goes to Ross at Drinking Tips for Teens for “The Secret Side-Effect of Kindness”. His essay is a gentle reminder of how we impact each other with even the simplest of acts.

He was sent one Green Study Coffee Mug and an extraneous Minnesota postcard. I also made a $75 donation to the Canadian Red Cross.

The Secret Side-Effect of Kindness

By Ross Murray at Drinking Tips for Teens

I’m a big believer in balance: work-life balance, balanced diet, balance beams. There’s no cause without effect and no effect without a cause.

Consequently, I don’t expect people to be especially kind to me, because I generally feel I’ve done little to deserve it.

It’s not that I’m so filled with self-loathing and covert kitten-kicking that I think I’m unworthy of basic human decency. It’s that most of the time I feel I haven’t done anything exceptional to warrant anything exceptional being done for me.

It’s about that balance, karma if you will. In the balance of my life, I shouldn’t expect kindness. I should expect impatient tolerance, exasperated benevolence, begrudging kindness at best.

I suspect a lot of (neurotic, insecure) people feel this way about themselves, this sort of reverse entitlement. One of my favourite literary characters is Frank Bascombe, who has grown middle-aged and old in four novels by Richard Ford. Frank is always questing, but I think his quest can be summed up like this: be a decent man and try not to be an asshole. There are worse quests. I’m a bit of a Frank.

Yet despite my inner asshole, people are kind to me, considerably kind, and it always takes me by surprise.

canstockphoto6410730Earlier this summer, I hired my neighbour Clint to replace some rotting wood on our front porch, a job that required the tools, know-how and patience for measuring that I lacked. Clint came over, dug out the rot, replaced it, smoothed the join, tacked on some molding, job well done. “How much?” I asked. He waved me off. Ten bucks for the wood and glad to help.

“No, really,” I said. “I asked you because I was going to pay you, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, so I paid him the $10, plus, at my wife’s suggestion, beer, because sometimes beer is even better than money.

There’s more. This summer, friends and strangers answered my Kickstarter appeal to finance the printing of yet another self-published book the world absolutely does not need. They did so without any evidence that I can write fiction, other than my word for it, which could have been a fiction in itself.

The publisher of the newspaper that runs my weekly column recently served as my unofficial agent in setting up two events for me, one a workshop for high school English students, the other a reading and fundraiser at a local library. The impetus for her involvement is a little convoluted, but ultimately she set these gigs up for me out of kindness. “We’re proud of you,” she wrote. Publisher pride is even better than Mom pride.

I could go on and on, the kindness that people have shown me over the last few months and years and life.

I’m taken aback by this kindness. What have I done to deserve it?

Must be something.

And that’s the secret side effect of kindness.

Everyone knows that being kind to others makes you feel good. A selfless act is never entirely selfless because you feel the warmth of connecting with a fellow human. Bringing joy into another person’s life is hugely satisfying.

But the secret side effect is that the recipient of the kindness feels worthy, feels decent, feels that their quest not to be an asshole is somehow succeeding, despite all the dark thoughts, misdeeds and deeds not done, all those sarcastic comments and passive-aggressive emails, not to mention the shameless self-promotion in the guise of a thoughtful blog post. If life is about balance, and I receive kindness, then I must deserve it.

To realize that you must have lived your life in such a way as to have earned kindness is gratifying and healthy. It turns out that how others see you can help you see yourself more generously.

canstockphoto15724173This past weekend, a neighbour down the street saw me up the ladder, painting, painting, always painting. She asked how tall the ladder was. I said I didn’t know. (I bet Clint would know.) She went on to tell me she was having trouble reaching a point over a stairway on the side of her own house, which she too was in the process of painting.

I don’t know this neighbour well, don’t even know her name, honestly, but I carried my ladder down the street, maneuvered it against her house and then offered to paint the patch for her. I thought of all those people who’d been kind to me, and I offered this small kindness.

I felt good about it. I bet she did too.

Congratulations Ross!

Rrossmurrayaholeinthegroundoss Murray is the author of two books: You’re Not Going to Eat That, Are You?, a collection of his news columns over the years and just recently published A Hole in the Ground, a work of fiction, which is available for purchase right at this very moment. I was one of the proud sponsors during his Kickstarter campaign and I’m in the middle of reading it – worth every penny.

Here’s a Drinking Tips for Teens sampler:

Beach Poets Society

How to talk to humans

My bookstore fantasy

28 Comments on “The Green Study’s “Positively Happy Nice Story” Contest: 2nd Place

  1. Pingback: The Green Study’s “Positively Happy Nice Story” Contest: 2nd Place — The Green Study | RAMC Producciones

  2. Reblogged this on Drinking Tips for Teens and commented:
    Thanks to Michelle at The Green Study for selecting my entry as a runner-up in her Positively Happy Nice Story Contest. I’ve been thinking of kindness lately, in my writing and my life and in the world for that matter. A lot of that thinking was spurred by Michelle’s contest challenge. Did Michelle just make the world a wee bit better? I think she just did!

    Like

  3. Pingback: Winners of The Green Study’s “Positive Happy Nice Story” Contest | The Green Study

  4. The moral of this prize winning story is that kindness begets kindness. What a great and simple message. Worthy of awards, accolades, and a measure of hope for those of us questing not to be assholes. Well done, Ross!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lovely story, thanks. And congrats. Never have I seen more acts of kindness than when I was in India. It took a while to get used to it, kept looking for an ulterior motive, only to find there was none — other than to be kind, compassionate and generous.

    Like

  6. Congrats Ross. It doesn’t matter what kind of asshole you think you might be – kindness is as kindness does, and it seems to me you does kindness pretty well. I too have your reaction though – I often wonder why people are so kind to me. It makes me feel grateful which is never a bad thing. And it also, like you, encourages me to be kind to others.
    Alison

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  7. And I think about the kindness you extended to me Ross, by sending annoying tweets to the WP editors to check out my blog, made a huge difference. HUGE. BTW, I think this whole contest is rigged. RIGGED!

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  8. Ross is one of the kindest guys I don’t really know. When my son was fighting cancer, Ross reached out across the continent and lent a hand in a tough time. Getting the silver medal in this contest is nice, but Ross gets a gold from me…which is doesn’t include any donations, but a pat on the back.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Okay. I’m feeling pretty bitter these days since things have not been going so well…and I guess I kind of needed this story this morning to remind me of some of the good that’s still out there! Thanks much for this!

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  10. I can relate to the ‘being Frank’ aspect of what you wrote. I have felt that, if I got what I deserved, I wouldn’t get as much kindness as people have displayed. But then, I reserve it thinking, “Maybe I am getting the kindness I need rather than what I deserve.”

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  11. ” Bringing joy into another person’s life is hugely satisfying.” I wouldn’t agree more. Kindness should be part and parcel of our lives.

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  12. Pingback: Getting Lost on Purpose | The Green Study

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