My Misery Brought a Plus One

I was almost there. The sadness of loss began lifting and dissipating with the arrival of the spring sun. I acted like a grownup and went to the doctor to deal with my health anxieties. Spring break ended and my family returned to their respective daytime activities. The deck was cleared for productive writing, invigorating workouts, and getting my garden planned. It was a glorious five minutes.

canstockphoto46418801I’m writing here, shortly before I render myself unconscious with an ungodly amount of pharmaceuticals. I’m down and out with a head and chest cold which makes me dizzy and susceptible to laughing at my own jokes. It might be that I already hit the Nyquil. Nowhere on the warning label does it say I should not operate a keyboard.

This is life, as they say. They are assholes. It may be life, but in the moment, when my head feels like it has been split open and my voice is a croak interrupted by paroxysms of coughing, it feels like it is not a good life. It will pass they say (they can now shut their pie holes and return to bad faith arguments land).

canstockphoto181672.jpgSurliness is often my go-to place when tired, sick, hungry, breathing. I have made the execrable error of filling my life with positive people – all of whom I must avoid when surly. I like to let my surliness and self-pity run its natural course, without the shame of it could be worse quips being blithely tossed my way. Unnatural stoppage could turn my feral surliness into something worse – a reasonable, circumspect person who always seems like they have their shit together. That would be wholly unnatural for me.

For those of you who regularly read my posts, I am going to be okay. I received my biopsy result in which the doctor was playing fast and loose with the English language. It essentially said You don’t have cancer. Yet. See you next year. Precancerous cells have put me on a watch list. There are some minor lifestyle changes I can make to prevent further damage. And believe me, I’m making them. If you reach a point in your life when people need to regularly shove tiny cameras in your orifices, you make the damn changes.

Much of the joy has been drained from my life – if my life were all about eating delicious canstockphoto56388854.jpgfood. Which, to be fair, much of it was. Now I must get my jollies from smoothies with raw ginger and greens. No more spicy Mexican, onion-laden Greek, tomato-filled Italian food. I sleep on a wedge pillow, don’t eat three hours before bedtime, drink gallons of water, and stare morosely out the kitchen window, while washing another bowl of lawn clippings for my next meal.

I suppose I should be grateful that I was scared into better health. I’ve lost some weight, don’t experience heartburn, and will likely be able to avoid a lifelong drug regimen. Although, as soon as I began exercising better habits, I immediately got sick. It leaves a bitter taste in one’s mouth. But that might just be the kale.

Before I started writing this, I had in mind pithy comments to make about current events, reading I’ve been doing, and other random bits of wisdom. I would have sounded erudite and witty, I assure you. But my head is currently full of mucus. It might be better for me to have a lie-down and hope that the cold medicine doesn’t conk me out so soundly that I wet the bed. That’s life.

44 Comments on “My Misery Brought a Plus One

  1. This is one of the funniest pieces of writing I have seen in a long time.

    Hi, Michelle. I’m new to your blog. Just want you to know I’m reading and have enjoyed your recent posts.

    Like

    • I’m glad that someone else thinks it’s funny. I was laughing when I wrote it and I wondered if that might not be the cold medicine talking.

      Thanks for reading my blog posts and taking the time to comment!

      Like

  2. That cold does have a hell of a nerve showing up after what you’ve been through recently. Feel better soon. Glad you’re back and you listened to your body and went to the doctor and that it worked out well. I’ve found that smoothies taste better when you drink them out of a margarita glass, btw.

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  3. I’m glad the doctors found nothing worse, Michelle. They always find something for you to improve, though! You see, that lack of hot foods, which you are not used to – it let the germs in. But your body will adjust, I’m sure! Sleep plenty if you need to.

    Like

    • I’m glad as well. My doctor didn’t actually offer up any lifestyle change ideas – just medication and followup visits. Welcome to the American healthcare system. I did copious amounts of research on my own and found plenty of ways to shift things in my favor. That’s really the lesson – you have to be your own health advocate. Lots of fluids and rest are starting to do the trick with this cold.

      Like

  4. This post is such a mix – honest, sarcastic, humourous, anxious…true to life. You have such a unique way of sharing your life Michelle! Love all your posts😀👏

    Liked by 1 person

  5. BTW try this, you will feel so better. Boil a cup of water, put grated ginger, black pepper, cloves and honey in it. Let it boil for five minutes on medium heat. You can drink it right away. Or else further add one spoon of tea leaves and just a little bit of milk to get the colour of proper chai. Your chai is ready – a great remedy for cold😀. Get well soon!

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  6. I think I may have sent you that cold through the modern miracle of the internet. I am so sorry. As far as I’ve been able to determine, it’s not afraid of kale. The only way to get rid of it is to give it to someone else. Choose wisely.

    Like

  7. Glad to hear you’re mostly okay. It could be better — and it sounds like it will be!

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  8. You will find an amazing combination of foods that will still make eating enjoyable! Trust me! I’ve had to do the same and there are some amazing recipes and sites out there. So glad to hear the good news! it’s all uphill from here! Well, after your cold goes away…

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  9. This is a good news bad news post, with the good news far outweighing the bad. You’ll probably get used to the new regimen. As others have said there are a ton of good recipes out there. I’ve missed a few posts due to being occupied travelling. I love your surly self. I love your writing. I wish I could be half as erudite while whining about a cold. 🙂
    Alison

    Like

    • Thanks, Alison. I’m slow to adopting the new regimen. Coffee is my particular bugaboo at the moment. I like a cup in the morning, but I am feeling the burn, so it’s another thing that has to go. Need to start doing some real cooking soon – it helps that the weather is getting better and all my thoughts go to gardening and fresh produce.
      I hope you’ve been having some good traveling adventures!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I find watching Dr Bergman (chiropractor) on YouTube can help empower one’s own healing practice by providing other points of view (also debunks quite a bit of medical ‘orthodoxy’). Hoping you feel better soon, Michelle.

    Like

    • Thanks for the well wishing, Tish. I started watching Dr. Bergman’s videos, but discovered he’s an anti-vaxxer. Highly contagious measles are making a comeback in our country due to anti-vaccination propaganda, which is not substantiated by current science.

      It’s frustrating, because he is likely right about some things – but how do you know what to trust if some of the “facts” are not in evidence? I suppose just as one would with any other medical professional, any claim requires more than one source. I do believe in taking responsibility for one’s health – even if I don’t always practice it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • All I’d say is vaccines are not necessarily what they’re cooked up to be. Even CDC admits this re side effects and also that people who have live vaccines can be infectious to others for at least 20 days. But besides this contentious topic, on other issues I think Dr. B has a lot of common sense things to say which I find empowering. Hope you feel better soon.

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  11. Well it sucks that you are sick, but not as sick, as in cancer, as you thought you might be, so yeah, a mixed bag and that is life. I am laughing at your snarkey comments about positive people. I have been feeling the same lately…just let me be in a shitty mood now and then please and don’t worry, I can handle a little darkness. The world has gone to hell since everyone decided that we all need to be happy all the time as if that was ever going to be the case for the human race. Yeesh.
    Now I have this picture of you in my mind hovering over the laptop swilling Nyquil and green smoothies all day surrounded by wads of tissue paper. Thanks for keeping it real and making me laugh today. I needed it. And welcome back.

    Like

    • The problem with “happiness” is always in the definition, because it is different for each person. And LOOKS different on each person. Happiness for me is sometimes as simple as vacuuming or sitting on a park bench, undisturbed for an hour, while I watch the birds.

      Our society has us parasailing with perfect white smiles, a drink in hand, not a bit of cellulite in sight, with money coming out of our ears, and calls that happiness. Most of us wear it a little differently. For instance, I rather enjoy being surly. I try not to impose it too much on others, but there is something pleasant about harrumphing about, not smiling, and muttering curse words to oneself. Maybe that’s just me.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Pingback: Weekly Round Up and Favorite blog posts – Boondock Ramblings

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