There’s a mild to confusing uprising amongst my peers on and offline. We are beginning our journey to being codgers. I’m 47. I’ve been feeling the midlife pinch for the last couple of years and of late, have become somewhat belligerent. I’m quitting things left and right, savoring every “No”, feeling like I can’t do one more thing that is asked of me.
Housework has all the appeal of a colonoscopy. Career trajectories have slumped like my bust line. I’m just waiting for the hump to pop out and to start eating my meals with all the relish of a POW. At 4am, 10am and 4pm respectively. I’ve been hanging out with senior citizens a bit much lately and am getting the brush off from a 10 year old who does not wish me to walk her to the bus stop. Fine. I didn’t want to stand out in the freezing cold anyway. Yes, middle aged people can sulk.
So what’s to be done? We’re as awkward as preteens, entering either the most delightful or painful portions of our lives. We’re either scrambling to hold on to the last shreds of our youth or digging our fingers into the soil to keep from slipping straight into the grave. And it changes every day, sometimes several times a day.
To relieve myself from the constant aches and pains and angst and regrets, I’m opening up my annual blog contest. Welcome to The Green Study “What’s on the B Side of that 45?” Contest. Let’s talk about our expectations, disappointments and joys of hitting that magical halfway point. If you’re a youngster, tell me what you hope for. If you’re past it and rolling your eyes at all this midlife nonsense, tell us what it meant for you. Humor, tragedy, ennui – whatever you’ve got.
Guidelines:
Write a previously unpublished blog post or if you’re not a blogger, an essay (with title) 200-700 words long about the pleasures and pains of midlife. Submit it through my Contact page by Sunday, December 7th 2014, 12:00 am, Midnight (US Standard Central Time). Please note that your formatting is retained when I receive it – the Contact page makes it look like it has disappeared.
One entry per person please. The contest begins as soon as this post goes public.
The winners will be notified on Wednesday, December 10th, 2014 by 12:00 pm (US Standard Central Time).
Shipping of the prizes and donations will take place by December 17th. Guest blog posting will occur between December 17th and December 31st, 2014.
All entries will be judged by me, myself and I. It’s entirely subjective.
1st Prize: Your entry will be posted as a guest post to my blog, you will be sent one The Green Study Coffee Mug and I will make a $100 donation to the American Red Cross on your behalf to your local Red Cross Chapter or their International Disaster Response fund.
2nd Prize: Your entry will be posted as a guest post to my blog, you will be sent one The Green Study Coffee Mug and I will make a $75 donation to the American Red Cross on your behalf to your local Red Cross Chapter or their International Disaster Response fund.
3rd Prize: Your entry will be posted as a guest post to my blog, you will be sent one The Green Study Coffee Mug and I will make a $50 donation to the American Red Cross on your behalf to your local Red Cross Chapter or their International Disaster Response fund.
All participants will receive a priceless, irreplaceable postcard from Minneapolis (although it actually cost $1.00 and can be bought at the airport, in large quantities).
I will ship prize winners’ mugs stateside or internationally (with no guarantee that it will arrive or that it will arrive in one piece), just because I like to hold up the line at the post office because I haven’t filled out the right forms. It seems like a middle-aged thing to do.
If any former participants and/or winners read this post, please feel free to comment on the veracity of The Green Study contests. Please let readers know that you’ve received your prizes and I haven’t shown up at your front door looking for a place to stay, just because I was in the area. Previous winners are allowed to participate and an updated mug is in production.
The Green Study 
I’ve been preparing for this all semester! Get ready to be amazed. I. Already have the title. Ha!
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Excellent – I look forward to reading it. I’ll need to put my reading glasses on first, though.
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I’ll have to find my glasses. They end up in the oddest places, ya know, like on top of my head.
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We’re all just a hop and a skip away from one of those beaded eyeglass chains…
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Hm. I’m not sure I can remember that far back, but I’ll try. 😀
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Well memory seems to be one of the first things that takes a hit after waist size!
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Yes. It’s called cognitive dysfunction – ain’t that a grand name for being forgetful? I just call it chemo brain. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 😀
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I’ve also heard “cognitive impairment”. It sounds like something to get arrested for – driving while cognitively impaired.
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I think I’ve already been writing that blog post for the past two years. I may enter. But first: nap.
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I’ve been wanting to do another blog contest and after reading Bill’s post yesterday (“So what about the mid-life crisis”) and yours today (“Forever 41: A Company Prospectus”), everything just clicked. Like my knees on stairs.
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Ha! I had mine in the pipeline when I read Bill yesterday and was thinking, is it the season change?
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Ah yes, the autumn of our lives. Let’s take that metaphor out back and give it a good beating.
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I turn 49 Monday, which means, if I die, the obituary will say that I’m in my 50th year.
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Well, at least they won’t say you’re a half century old. My husband turned 50 earlier this week and has had to take a lot of ribbing for that. I just won’t shut up about it. He’s got a few years to prepare his revenge.
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It’s funny, it’s poignant content because we’re living it and know it well, but at the same time I’m tired of it already and want to write about flowers, or fucking. But I seem to have forgotten about both.
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Like riding a bicycle, man. Except you gotta oil the chain.
But I hear you. I’ve read so many sad, middle-aged man novels in the past year or so, and now that I’m thinking of writing something myself, it’s all coming out sad, middle-aged man. I want to do the happy, middle-aged man, but where’s the conflict in that?
Destiny sucks.
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I was talking to a friend of mine this morning and we agreed that it can be a tired, trite subject, except that we all have our special flavor of midlife perspective. For me, it’s this damned sandwich generation thing – I have a sick elementary kid at home and the paramedics had to be called for my mother-in-law this morning (she’s okay now). Seriously, there’s not enough #@$% coffee in the world to deal with a morning like this. And I’m simultaneously going through this rebellious, belligerent phase of wanting to tell everyone to piss off.
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The awkward years… Sorry to hear about your mom-in-law.
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Thanks, Ross. She’s in her own transition phase. Humans. We can never stand in the same place – time drags us along.
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I laughed out loud at Bill’s comment. And it occurred to me that we start forgetting more than what we learn and that scares the hell out of me.
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This sounds like something I can do! Hmmm … thinking … I’m sure I must have something to say that doesn’t involve gas and chin hairs!
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You’d likely be in good company!
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Oooh, I LOVE your contests. Because there is nothing like winning 2nd prize in a beauty contest — twice! I’m going for the lucky third this time!
And I got my gifts… except that I wouldn’t give Michelle my address because my husband made me promise not to give it to anybody. So I am short one postcard. I think I can drone on and on about the vagaries of being a 57 year old married woman …………………………………… ad nauseum!
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Hence the word limitation, since I think we could all go on and on about the vicissitudes of middle age!
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You mean I can’t add a few zeros? Damn.
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As a former winner, I can vouch for the prizes! I don’t really remember what I won, but I can look it up if you want me to.
This may be just what I needed…a nudge to start doing some writing again. I’ve got a lot to say about this aging thing; hope I can remember it all.
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I think it was a Harry and David fruit basket. I was apparently hungry when I started up that holiday humor contest. And I believe your story was of the disastrous meal sort. Seemed apropos!
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I love that you’re donating to the Red Cross as part of the prize packages. We’re all winners when you support a great cause like that.
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I like parlaying my annual donations into “prizes” – it’s a two birds with one stone deal, so I have to thrown in a tchotchke for good measure!
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I’m rolling my eyes, and yes, age definitely brings wisdom. Seriously. I love reading the contest posts and can’t promise that I won’t enter. Anything can happen after November 30th…if I survive this month.
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I think the “age brings wisdom” maxim is dependent on the individual and I haven’t figured out which camp I’m in yet. I did want the contest to allow NaNo writers an opportunity to enter, if they’re not completely burnt out by November 30th – but they’ll definitely be warmed up for the exercise!
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OK, being compared to preteens was a bit rough. Especially when I saw your point!
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Maybe it’s just me, but I keep waiting for that moment when I’m completely self-assured and not just flailing my way through life. Waiting, waiting…
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I can speak to the veracity of The Green Study contests as a former recipient of the postcard and the fine mug, both of which hold great sentiment and the mug often gets used (like, functionally). So do it! I recall debating whether to take a nap or enter the contest one Sunday afternoon and was glad I took the latter. I like this phrase Michelle – or digging our fingers into the soil to keep from slipping straight into the grave — my tips are stained with dirt too.
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Reblogged this on Paul Karam Kassab 1.
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I’m firmly in pinklightsabre’s camp.
With my mom’s passing this summer, I’m not in that sandwich generation anymore–just hanging my *ss out in the wind on the top of that cookie pile.
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Every person’s experience is different. I’ve just had one hell of a sandwich day, so I’m sick of it all as well. But the contest rolls on…
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Reblogged this on The Green Study and commented:
It’s the last day. The newly designed prize mugs have arrived and they’re lovely. Join the fun. It’s a great way to promote your blog as well.
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Pingback: Winners of The Green Study “What’s on the B Side of That 45?” Contest! | The Green Study
Great contest idea! That’s what I get for being behind in blogging/reading. Peace, John
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Pingback: The Green Study “What’s on the B Side of that 45?” Contest: Honorable Mention | The Green Study
Pingback: The Green Study “What’s on the B Side of that 45?” Contest: Honorable Mention | The Green Study
Pingback: The Green Study “What’s on the B Side of that 45?” Contest: Honorable Mention | The Green Study