Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It

canstockphoto1323495Over the last few years, I’ve written blog post after blog post about making changes with a mind towards writing. I quit paid work. I quit volunteering. I set up my study, surrounded by books, many of them about writing. I am supported by the people in my life. I talk about writing. I read about writing. I write about writing. On occasion, I even write things that aren’t about writing.

The only person in my life who doesn’t take me seriously as a writer is me.

The door is open wide and I look desperately out of windows, jumping at anything that is not writing. It’s an odd compulsion that I’m at a loss to explain. I read somewhere that writing is hardest for writers. This makes no sense to me. When I’m in my writing groove, I’m so damned happy. But I’m a dilettante, without rigor or discipline. And the time for lying to myself is over.

I’ve been a consummate caregiver. But my child needs less from me. My mother-in-law is moving into a nursing home. I’m becoming increasingly less employable and less relevant to others as each moment passes. The closer I get to unfettered time, the more conflicted and lost I feel. But the cost to my psyche of not writing is starting to outweigh everything else.

If you daydream about a day when you didn’t have to work and could devote yourself full-time to writing…if you wished that those around you supported and encouraged you…if you wished that you had the perfect writing space…if – if – if.

canstockphoto10947379Real writers know this is a shell game. I have met all my “if” conditions and I am no more a writer than I was at the height of activity – working, volunteering, caregiving. For me, calling myself a writer was just a lie to make all that other shit worth it. I could feel that I had a higher purpose, even when kissing someone’s ass in an office or getting barfed on by my child. I could always tell myself that when I had more time, I’d be awesome.

Well, it turns out I’m not awesome. I’m a procrastinator, a hustler trying to put up a good front. I remember watching a commencement speech by Neil Gaiman. He talked about how he got jobs by lying about where he’d been published and then made it a point of honor to get published later at the places about which he lied. Like him, I’m going to call myself  “chronologically challenged”. My talk has preceded my walk.

There are many people who write/blog/create memes about writing. I know – I’ve read or seen many of them, because it was something that I could do instead of write. I don’t experience muses or inspiration or manic writing. I lost the poetry of my adolescent years and the sentimentality of my twenties. My thirties were dominated by marriage and child-rearing. And here I am, wrapping up my forties in a clusterfuck of unresolved personal issues and middle-aged angst.

canstockphoto12404837Here’s the thing about inner conflict: it’s the heart of everything. It’s the recognition that you are your best friend and your worst enemy. It’s the battle between what was, what is and what will be. It’s the ultimate choosing of right and wrong, of what feeds you or what sucks your soul dry. It’s grabbing your childhood by the throat and saying “enough already!” It’s learning how to take all those chronic character flaws and turn them in your favor. It’s recognizing that there are certain things that you will never change about yourself.

I’ve been struggling the last couple of years, swinging wildly between determination and defeat. These last four months were a long finishing punch. It turns out that I do have a muse. An insistent, rather violent one who favors tankards of coffee, swear words and surprise hook punches. Okay, okay, I get it. I’m tapping out. You can stop now.

I’m putting a spin on my forties, when I decided I’d become a martial artist, super mom, Japanese ink painter, personal trainer, officer of the law, marathoner, web genius, everywhere volunteer and organic vegan superfreak. It was all research for writing. It sounds so much better than a midlife panic.

canstockphoto16261737It’s time to ante up or fold. I’ve run off in a thousand different directions and always, always, I come back to writing. And the only opposition to me seriously pursuing it, is me.

That’s a little embarrassing, considering the very real obstacles a lot of artists encounter. But so is getting kicked in the face by a 12 year old in taekwondo, painting bamboo 5,000 times and having it still look like a tulip, running so slow that I get lapped by the senior walkers, farting while bench pressing, nearly passing out during public speaking and offending people in the regular course of my life just by being me. What’s being a failed writer going to do? Humiliate me? Hell, I got this.

So I’m taking the best writing advice I’ve ever read and running with it: write. Set hours, set commitment, failure possibly imminent. I can always become an origami instructor if it doesn’t work out. canstockphoto8251234

783 Comments on “Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It

    • Thanks for that, Elizabeth. I’m a little curious about what I’ll do as well. I’ve spent 3 years blogging and 2 years whinging on about a half-assed novel. I’d like to see what I can do by introducing a little more consistency and discipline. And simply writing more.

      Liked by 19 people

    • Hello Eliszabeth, you know in Cambodia- my country, people don’t write much. When I started my blog, not many people motivate me but I don’t mind and still keep writing. Nowadays there are not many bloggers in Cambodia and many of them copy and pastes other’s content into their blog, which is not what I like. Hope that you people will start blogging and reading blogs soon in my Cambodia.

      Liked by 7 people

  1. I know so well what you’re saying, and I’ve had work published for years, and still feel as you do for much of the time. All I can say, then, is go, go, go for it! And to put the best spin on all this, sometimes the long, long doldrums that you call procrastination, are part of the preparation; the apprenticeship. So now for the practices pieces…It’s Gail Sher who calls writing ‘One Continuous Mistake’ likening it to the practice of tai chi – so doing, not pre-judging. That’s the hardest bit, garotting the internal critic 🙂

    Liked by 13 people

    • I’ve been spinning things for awhile and at some point, I feel like I need to call bullshit on myself. Research. Preparation. A couple years down the line and I have to be honest that nothing I am doing now is getting me closer to publication. People like to parse what being a writer means, but part of it (not all of it) for me is to actually earn a little dosh for some work. If I want that, I need to start working like a professional and stop treating it as a hobby.

      I think with a little more time and commitment, I might see some shape of things to come. I’ve read the Sher book (of course). As writing is the way I see and order my world, writing as a spiritual practice resonated with me.

      Liked by 5 people

      • Just don’t be too hard on yourself. I keep listening to Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ triple CD The Creative Fire. One thing that struck a chord with me is her caution that we should respect the amount of time it may take to create something. But I well understand your desire to earn some money. Have you thought about writing web content? I don’t know what the possibilities are. But that would be one sort writing, that like writing practice would keep the ball rolling, but leave you space to develop fictional works if that’s where your heading. Taking yourself seriously is of course the key step. ‘I am a writer even when I am not writing’. Bon voyage!

        Liked by 8 people

        • Ah, another thing to put on the list. Estes’ “Women Who Run With the Wolves” is one of my favorite books. I know that I’ve had stories on simmer for awhile – 40 years or so. It might be time to go to full boil!

          I don’t know what the possibilities are for making writing money, either – anything I’ve read about freelancing seems rather intimidating. There’s the writing and then there’s the business. I’m going to try to focus on the first part, get some material under my belt and then figure out where the market might be for me.

          Liked by 3 people

        • This is good advice here I think Tish, and I’ve been considering it myself. You’re a great reminder of the ‘be patient, be gentle’ with yourself and the process Tish, which I sometimes need to remind myself. For what it’s worth, when I first started doing Yoga I took the same aggressive approach with my body I did when mountaineering, to kind of beat it into submission, and that didn’t work with Yoga. Not sure I can make it work with my writing that way, either. I like the image of raindrops in a bucket better.

          Liked by 7 people

        • The thing is, beating oneself up simply makes the situation worse; it adds another layer of negativity to deal with. Gosh, we do make a meal of this writing lark, don’t we 🙂

          Liked by 5 people

  2. When we are used to having to meet other people’s needs and deadlines, it isn’t actually that easy to be totally in charge of what we do, when, where, and why. I think we flounder until we figure out a system of goals, deadlines and rewards.
    Personally, I’ve found dark chocolate is my favourite reward…

    Liked by 5 people

    • This is true. My excuses are evaporating one by one and I’m resisting the urge to find more. It’s certainly a skill to be able to sit and write for long periods of time without hopping up 20 times an hour (that’s what I do now). I’ve been so accustomed to being interrupted that I barely allow myself time to relax. So my goal right now is to practice, one hour at a time. My reward is usually the writing as I tend to entertain myself when I do it, but chocolate never hurts, either.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. To be completely honest I have never understood your insecurity about writing because you are wonderfully talented. You are a fabulous writer/storyteller. Most, if not all creative people are insecure and more than a little neurotic. Why wouldn’t we be? We bare our souls to total strangers who have no idea what it takes to look at a blank canvass or computer screen or an empty space and fill it with something meaningful and beautiful and functional and desirable. But you do. Just sit back one day and read your blog with the eyes of a stranger and hopefully then you will know what those of us who follow you know. You are a writer and a damn good one.

    Liked by 20 people

    • I agree–Michelle, your willingness to share your vulnerability, and the clarity and force of language with which you do so, blows me away every time. It’s an honor to witness the internal reconciliation you seem to be experiencing these days. Thank you for allowing us all in, as we grow with you in the process! Best wishes to you, and I very much look forward to following you more. 🙂

      Liked by 8 people

    • While I fully admit to my neuroses, I think that I’m putting the cart before the horse. I need to write more so I REALLY have something to be insecure about – blogging and a first novel draft were good first steps for me, but it’s time to up the ante.

      These days, insecurity is the least of my worries. It’s the lack of discipline and failing to apply my work ethic towards writing, instead of spreading myself thin. It’s down to being productive, following through and putting an end to all this dithering.

      I really appreciate the encouragement you’ve given over the last couple of years, Fransi. I may falter in my journey, but having such kind voices out there really makes a difference.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I have felt the same way over the years. Do it for yourself and it’s a practicing art. I don’t mean practice makes perfect. I mean practice makes us (maybe, hopefully) more self aware and self content
    . Your writing is genuine and engaging. Keep it up.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Thank you. I think part of doing it for myself includes making it a paying gig. I try to be more Bohemian in my thinking, and while I derive great pleasure from writing, I don’t think I’m content to stuff it in a drawer. That’s a hard thing to fess up to when talking about writing. So often people wax poetic about their art. Yes, I’d write regardless, but if I admit that my goal is to be read and to be paid, maybe I’ll work a little harder at it!

      Liked by 2 people

      • I say if your writing is about what you know and you start with stream of consciousness in mind…. That’s your starting point. There may never be an end point to a piece, but at least you released that energy out and into the world (even if no one ever reads it but you). When you revisit a piece later and it still speaks to you, to me personally that’s when developing the thought or idea becomes more intimidating. That’s when you know, you have to TRY to do something with this now.

        Liked by 3 people

  5. I just ‘liked’ what fransiweinstein said. She said it all and said it best. I understand what she says about insecurity, I have it too, but as she says you’re a writer, and a damn good one! Have at it Michelle! Brava!
    Alison

    Liked by 5 people

  6. I am so with you on this! I cannot understand how something that gives me such intense, acute joy can be so, SO hard to do! Not that the doing is hard – but the starting, the sticking, the sitting down and doing again. You go, girl! I hope this is the breakthrough you’ve been hunting for … I think I’m closing in on my breakthrough moment too.

    Liked by 7 people

    • This is the part that is the “suffering for one’s art” – the conflict of getting down to business or being distracted is tough. I think I’m at the point of breakthrough or give up, which still seems untenable. Let’s hope we can follow The Doors and “break on through to the other side”. And that it takes less time than that song…

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve toyed with the idea of committing in some way to a “writing buddy”. Still not sure that’s something I want to do, or what form such a relationship would take … I’ve heard it can be helpful – a bit like a virtual writers group – but it’s never helped me diet so I don’t know if it would help with writing. One of the down sides of writing, though, is that it’s a lonely process. Of course, that’s also one of the best things about it… 🙂 Anyway … very, very tentatively, with absolutely no commitment implied or requested, might that be something you’d consider thinking about doing?

        Liked by 2 people

        • I play around with those ideas – I even thought about starting my own local writing group.

          My experience in workshops is that it takes a lot out of me to be constructive and not impatient. I really put my all into responding to someone’s work and it ends up being energy directed away from my own.

          As far as it being lonely, I love talking writing. Please feel free to drop me an email if you’re stuck or need a push or are trying to solve a particular problem. Sometimes when I give someone else a boost, it’s a pep talk that turns around and kicks me in the ass as well.

          Liked by 3 people

        • I’ll do that – and please will you do likewise… 🙂 I used to belong to a local writer’s group and it just became too frustrating … Too many eager-eyed types with no clue about basic grammar – and if you called them on it their response was, “Well, the editor will deal with that – I’m a WRITER!” It became impossible not to be that sarcastic bitch no one wanted to hear from, so, even though a few members of the group were pretty good and gave valuable input, I had to drop out.

          Liked by 3 people

        • To leap uninvited into y’all’s conversation for a moment: I’ve been participating in a local “cowriting” group that I’ve found incredibly helpful. Not a traditional workshop — in fact, we don’t share our writing with one another at all, most times. The whole point is just to collaborate and support one another in the whole “sit down and DO IT” part of writing. It’s the same format each week: some number of us meet at a cafe around 6:30, chat for a bit — then at a set time, everybody shuts up and writes for the next hour and a half. After which, a bit more chatting (except for folks so deep in it, they keep writing), and we all go home.

          Anyhoo. I thought this format might be something that the two of you would find interesting. 🙂

          Be well! alice

          Liked by 4 people

        • Thanks, Alice! Won’t work for us because I’m in Washington and Michelle is … ummm … some distant state far far away. But it would be worth trying to find some local sufferers who’d like that approach. I did it a few times last NaNo and I enjoyed it.

          Liked by 2 people

        • Belladonna, FofTGS here. (Friend of the Green Study – boy that so doesn’t roll off the tongue.) What type of writing are you working on? I’m a sci fi/ fantasy geek and I’d like to work with others in that area.

          Liked by 2 people

  7. If your purpose was to resonate and relate with others you accomplished that well beyond what I assume you expected of yourself.
    As I young ‘writer’, there are many different parts of this I identified with.
    Other people refer to me as a Writer, but the tittle sounds funny in my mouth with my own name. My Boyfriend scolded me to have confidence in my work, but a great poet/farmer who lives deep in the Vermont woods told me if I hated what I was writing: I was doing it right.
    I take comfort in other peoples confusion that I can relate to, especially from someone so skilled in moving their readers.

    Thank you.

    Liked by 6 people

    • I’m not surprised this resonates, as I’ve read enough about the “imposter syndrome” and artists to know most of us have a little of that going on. Thanks for the kind words about the post.

      For me, calling myself a writer means that I’m actively and prodigiously writing and that’s the piece that has been missing for awhile. It’s one thing when insecurity drives a sense of feeling fraudulent, it’s another when the work isn’t getting done. Good luck in your writing pursuits.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Failure is a lesson on what not to do the next time. Most successful entrepreneurs have failed many times before they actually made it. I’m in the same boat but I’m going to keep on keeping on. Never give up!!!

        Liked by 3 people

      • New to social media and stumbled on you, gratefully! What you just said, the “F” word… THAT is the crux of it for me, and I suspect it’s the truth for many of us wanna-be published and SELLING authors. Michelle this blog is titled Being Fiction… But you are writing the most TRUTH I’ve ever come across regarding our craft. You are an authors author – more than you realize. Might be that your Lamentations are the very thing you should be packaging to SELL. Your honesty about the fear, is in my humble opinion, priceless. Now that I got here, wish someone could tell me how the heck to FOLLOW you, as I’m afraid when the phone battery dies, I’ll lose you forever, lol .

        Liked by 5 people

        • I missed this comment initially. Sorry for the delay and thanks for your kind words. Usually I write one of these gut-spilling posts and I’m done for awhile, moving on to other subjects or shiny objects catch my eye. Still, writing is the game now and I’m ready to play. Best wishes to you both in figuring out social media (I still haven’t) and in writing.

          Like

  8. I just found your blog here, and as I was reading this, I found I could relate to so much of it. I loved reading this all the way through. I’ve had many thoughts on things I have wanted to do, and yet never gotten around to doing it, so it hit that nail squarely on the head!

    Liked by 3 people

    • I like to think of it as being a “Renaissance Woman”, but writing requires more focus than I’ve brought to painting or running. Still, I imagine continuing to pursue a lot of different interests on the side. It’s all research, right?

      Liked by 4 people

  9. I think all of us who aren’t Stephen King feel this way. I know we’ve talked about it many times. Just Write. Write knowing it will be crap. Write to get the scum scraped off your Pond. Write the thing that wants out NOW. Just write.

    Liked by 4 people

  10. LOVE this post. I could relate to it so much I had to read it twice. I’ve been writing lately, every day for a few hours. But more often than not I find myself questioning my decision and looking for strange ways to get out of it–volunteering, potential jobs, research…Thank you for writing this and for doing it so well.

    Liked by 6 people

    • Sometimes it’s hard for me to differentiate between my steady stream of interests and when I’m just looking for a distraction. If you’re writing a few hours a day, that’s fantastic! I figure that if I commit to the writing as my primary interest, I can fill in with all those things I’d like to try. My priorities have clarified quite a bit lately. Thanks for the lovely words about the post.

      Liked by 2 people

  11. Holy shit. Can i say that? a bit forward for not knowing you.. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH. I’m in my mid twenties but you’ve just spoken and I”m going to listen… I’ve fallen off a few times myself, and this is actually another re-inventing attempt (today) so as I sit with my 4 day old Macbook (thought I needed all newness everywhere to write) you’ve lit my flame of fortitude and I’d better shine on. Thank you thank you thank you. You’re not alone

    Liked by 6 people

    • Ah yes, the need for everything to be perfect, new, upgraded and for me, organized down to the last paper clip. I can now see it for what it is – supreme procrastination. I often mock myself these days with my mantra “I need to clean off my desk first…” which always ends with me on a Netflix bender. Honesty is the first step to change…

      Good luck and shine on!

      Liked by 2 people

  12. You have been honest with yourself, and hard on yourself…enough. The next step might be treating writing like work, as you also say between the lines. You know how to do it, you are a gifted writer. The only way writing (work papers, non-fiction, poetry etc.) works for me is that I go to work (my office) right after breakfast, take a lunch break and then do an afternoon shift. Sometimes it’s just sitting and thinking, sometimes research, but when I get into the groove, there might be a night shift too. If I don’t keep to this discipline, everything else is much more interesting…I’m a huge procrastinator too.

    Liked by 7 people

    • I’m arriving at a time in my life when scheduling can actually be a thing, uninterrupted by anxious phone calls and a multitude of medical appointments. Those are logistics that I’ll work out. Right now, it’s such an emotional transition of not being so much needed to care for others and having to change focus to my own needs and goals. That’s a post unto itself!

      Liked by 2 people

  13. We need to send over that 6 foot tall boot to give you an hourly kick in the derriere, with a twice daily schoolmarm wrap on the knuckles if you’re goofing off. 🙂
    Have you decided WHAT you want to write? Fiction? Non fiction? Musings and memoirs? Technical or historical? That would be the first thing to nail down I suppose.
    I think there’s a lot of people who say “I’m a writer” because it sounds good, because it’s sort of a romantic image, and because it’s better than ” I don’t really know what I want”, or “i’m not really doing much of anything”. It seems like a far smaller subset actually produces books, articles, plays, etc.
    I think you have the talent, so am looking forward to what you do next. And curious as to what direction it is in.

    Liked by 5 people

    • I have a literary novel (first draft in need of heavy revision) and I’m working on short fiction as well. I enjoy writing the personal essays on this blog, but I think I’ve wrung enough out of my own life! I’m kicking myself pretty well, but it’s early days yet as I adjust to having more time and being able to turn my energy towards my own goals.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I enjoyed reading this, and I think you have a striking, unique voice. I have two pieces of advice that I’ll offer because following them makes me feel better. 1. Read Hillary Rettig’s Seven Secrets of the Prolific. It is the best antidote I’ve ever seen to writerly angst. And 2. Don’t contract your life so much that all you have to read about and write about is writing. Go out and do something you want to write about. The writing comes a lot easier that way.

    Liked by 5 people

    • I’m glad that you enjoyed reading this and appreciate the advice. I’ve read Rettig’s “The Lifelong Activist: How to Change the World Without Losing Your Way”, but haven’t read the one you mentioned. I’ll put it on my reading list.

      Finding things that interest me and pursuing them has never been a problem. In fact, it has become part of the problem in terms of time and energy. I find myself, and many other writers, writing about writing as a diversionary tactic and I wrote this, understanding that particular irony.

      Still, it’s a transitional time in my life and sometimes I need to give myself a stern lecture to fly right. Sometimes I write those lectures out loud.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Michelle,
    I think you’re being both too hard on yourself, or else maybe you’re using this to piece, I hope, to kick start yourself (or kick yourself in the pants). I find that I always need some sort of Sword of Damocles hanging over my head to get anything done.

    For me, while I haven’t written much fiction in a while, I find that I am deadline driven — compulsively. I write papers for work and they always always always start out as crap. As the next I’ll-never-be-able-to-finish-in-time deadline approaches, my mind gets clearer and my sentences come out just as they need to. I will procrastinate as long as I possibly can without deadlines. With them, I am pretty damn good.

    So maybe the answer is contests. NaNoWriMo. Anything that gives you a set amount of time before you need to produce.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Elyse, I so often forget that my process usually involves writing in summation. Once I’ve written about something, it’s been processed and I have moved on. So this was indeed my kickstart or even just a kick. Either way, it feels like progress.

      I write best and perform best under pressure, usually self-induced by procrastinating to the last minute or taking on more than I can sanely handle. As I’ve gotten older though, that seems untenable as well as being a personal urban legend. If I only get myself to work under pressure, that’s the only work I’ve produced. I would like to see what I can produce when pacing myself.

      On the other hand, I do plan on forcing myself to submit work as I go, and contests and small publications is a good way to start. I don’t know if I’ll do NaNoWriMo again. Hitting the word count is one thing. Coming up with something that doesn’t require a complete re-write (as my first draft did) is another. All I can do is try, re-evaluate and try the next thing.

      Liked by 3 people

  16. Don’t be silly: you *are* awesome. Not only at all of the stuff you’ve done in the name of avoidance (if that’s really how you want to classify it), but in that stuff, too. Definitely, at hard-eyed self-criticism. But you’re also awesome at crafting words into worlds. Your blogging IS writing, and often at a very high level. Having inner crises is neither a sign of failure or a curable bout of moodiness, but a human state of being, and it’s what you do with those along the way that makes you unique and powerful, not some sign that you’ve failed to be a friggin’ superhero. Inner crisis is to my mind merely a sign of the personal changing of the seasons. Your voice is distinctive both when it’s snarky and angry and when it’s introspective and wistful, and that is a kind of writerly skill that anyone should value, including you. The Writer. I’m gonna keep reading as long as you let me, so just deal with it.
    Kathryn

    Liked by 5 people

    • You’re very kind and generous in your words, Kathryn. And you certainly put a better spin on things than I do. I’m trying to get to the point where all this writerly angst is on the path to being productive as a writer.

      Fall and middle-age can often be a toxic combination of wistfulness and frustration. I’m definitely in the midst of it.

      Liked by 3 people

  17. I must say that you have extraordinary clarity there on your inner conflict. I have also struggled for years with those “ifs”, and I can totally relate with the “If I had more time” mindset. But, I have realised that the ability itself to be a better writer does not come as a given with more time. I am the same writer still. And that pressure there, remaining fixed in so many things and still want to write actually helps writing more intensely whenever I do. Those pain and pleasure moments are disorienting, yes may be, but have more power on the mind.

    Very well written. Thank you.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Thank you. You make a good point about the fact that being a better writer doesn’t necessarily improve with time alone. It is always in the doing of the thing that strengthens one’s skills and habits. The “if…then” mentality is a real ambition killer and it’s taken me years to undo.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Yes, I can also recognize that the life of a writer is seldom just to write because what would we have to write about? And how would we authentically express the human element in our work? How would we make what we write relatable? The hardest thing to tackle is consistency in a world of unpredictable variables. I get that.

        Liked by 3 people

  18. Am a procrastinator myself and I have the skills but am my own enemy. The best advice ever and am gonna take it. Cheers to writing!

    Liked by 4 people

  19. I can really identify with this post as someone who left writing for years and has only begun writing and publishing my poems in the past year or so. If you are a writer, you will always be drawn to it, and always be pulled back to it. This what you were meant to be, and I am glad you found your way back. Life may intervene in the lives of artists and writers, but if we are fortunate, we always return to the work we love. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    • I’ve always been a late bloomer, so I’m not surprised that I’ve taken the long way around to come to the conclusion that writing is my thing. I’m grateful for the journey, because I’ve got a lot of material to work with now!

      Liked by 2 people

  20. You’ve gotten rid of all the things that pushed you toward writing, that either built up your confidence or shattered it to pieces? Well that sucks. I’d argue that living life makes for better writing. The most compelling stories have a thinly veiled reality coursing through them that allows the reader to connect and project themselves within the plot. I was bored out of my friggin mind reading this blog post until the second to last paragraph. And then I laughed, I connected with you, and I wanted more. Give us more, please.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I am shedding things that take time and energy actually away from the writing. I’ve had a pretty full life to this point, so there is no lack of life experience from which to draw.
      It’s an odd thing to read that I bored someone out of their friggin’ mind until near the end of my essay, but I think you intended it as a compliment, so I’ll take it that way. And really, how readers perceive things is out of my hands. I’m glad I could make you laugh, though.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Michelle,

        Your writing is superb and I’ve gone back and read many of your other posts. I enjoy your style. But this post really struck me as a woman who had been caught by the trap of the romantic notion that writers need absolute solitude and a lack of distraction to produce (cue the glitter bomb) Fiction! So I gave you some feedback that I would have given my closest girlfriends and not a stranger whom I will never meet. If I was too forward, then my utmost sincere apologies. Moreover, I hope you write what speaks to your heart and are blessedly successful. The more of us that succeed in this field the better it is for the little girls behind us hoping to be writers too.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Actually, your response kind of cracked me up. And I was right in taking it as a compliment. I don’t mind forwardness. I will say that writers might not need absolute solitude, but freakish little me does. And I’m fortunate, that even with a family, I am able now to get it. I’m a much nicer person when I do and more productive.
          I have, like many people, spent a lot of time doing “shoulds” and putting
          “want tos” aside. I’m happy to say that I’m turning that around. Thank you for your kind wishes – I’m glad for this conversation.

          Like

  21. I face the same issue. I don’t quite know if what I write actually makes sense. I know I don’t sound intelligent, for sure. In other words, you could say I’m quite insecure about my writing and don’t know if I am any good. I write professionally because I get paid to. My friends and family say I’m good. But I don’t feel satisfied. I can relate to your post. But any tips on getting over insecurity? Or even honest feedback would do wonders.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Ah, the age old question about artists and insecurity. It’s interesting to me that so many people have read this post as an issue with insecurity. I am insecure in SO, SO many ways, but I’m at a different stage with writing.

      It really doesn’t matter if you’re any good, if you’re going to do it anyway. I am nearly oafish in my physical movement and still insisted on studying taekwondo for 4 years. I just wanted to do it.

      If writing is what you want to do, then whether you are good or not is irrelevant – until you expect to be paid. And it sounds like you are already getting paid for writing, which is a few steps ahead of me. As I’ve gotten older, it feels like insecurity is a luxury I don’t have time for. And that’s what it boils down to – time. Whether I’m an oaf or a savant, I just need to get on with things. It’s hard to write if I do too much hand-wringing. I wish you the best in your endeavors!

      Liked by 1 person

  22. I relate to this in its entirety! I have always called myself a writer, with nothing to truly show for it. Now, these last few weeks, I’ve finally turned a corner in my mind to live this passion. I’m so glad I had the pleasure to read this article, you’ve reinforced my determination. I can’t wait to hear more from you!

    Liked by 3 people

  23. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | togainc

  24. It’s all been said already, but for goodness sake, start believing in what you can do and indeed, just do it. Talent is wonderful, following through on it is what completes the business. You can so rejoice in that and then get on with it. Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  25. It’s 4 in the morning and I have been awake for the last 3 hours, going through what you might call a quarter life existential crisis. So I’ve been trying to find words to express this feeling. I’m still in my early 20s but I already feel like I’ll be coming back to photography no matter what I do from now. I left my paid job 1 month back. You are writing about the exact things I’m I’m sure I’ll be feeling in my coming years. It’s funny how I stumble across a post that is talking on the lines of what I’m thinking in this moment. Plus, it also scares me when I think (deep down) that I’m a dilettante, procrastinator, hustler too. Initially, all I wanted to tell you was that the sheer honesty of this piece really connected with me, but then I got flown in sentiment. All the best in whatever you do from now on 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    • I don’t think I was sober during my quarter life moment, so I missed all that. Being scared is sometimes a good thing. We get lackadaisical with our time, we pin our futures on “if…then”, we always think we can do things later. I freak myself out on a regular basis these days, but it’s getting me on track and clearing the way for the here and now.

      Being scared is not a problem if you know what to do with your fear. If it just turns you into a ball of paralysis, it’s not useful. If it propels you forward, go with it. I experience both scenarios and have to continually remind myself to get my ass moving. Hang in there and use the fear to your advantage. Best wishes.

      Liked by 1 person

  26. I’ve always known I wanted to write at such a very young age but I never did anything to fulfill my dream. I have thought of sending my works to our school paper, thought of taking creative writing in College, thought of starting a Blog but all of those were just ideas that eventually died. I always go for the practical decision, choose to take the society’s advice about taking “right” path. So far I’m OK but I know I’d be happier if I’m doing what I love. I find my heart to be at peace when I write, I’m happy when I do so regardless if someone appreciates it or not. As of the moment I decided to write again but haven’t published anything. I’m on the first step of resurrecting my love for writing while you’re already on the next level. You are on the stage of pushing yourself to become the best and of course make a living out of it. I’m hoping to read one of your books in the future. #keeponwriting

    Liked by 3 people

    • I think it’s sometimes easy to view everything as an either-or scenario. Not all of us can throw off responsibilities and become roving gypsy novelists. Some of us have to do the dishes. But you keep feeding the joy and if it’s writing that nourishes you, keep doing that, regardless of what obligations you feel compelled to meet.
      Where I’m at now, quite uncomfortably, is the result of many years of working my way towards having more time. I’m a little freaked out about it happening, but I’ll adjust and get to work. The journey, to quote a zillion cliches, is really the point.

      Liked by 1 person

      • The time you spent doing what you love is never wasted. We can all see how good you are now and how better you can even be since you’re open to possibilities of honing your skills. Let’s all pursue our passion one step at a time 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  27. Good luck with your writing. I know the pain, to an extent (my writing is nowhere near as good as yours). But I have a bard time finding time to write, and when I do, it comes out like shit. With that said, this post was an inspiration. Best of luck!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks. I’d just let the shit pour out. Honestly, for all the kind words on this post, it took a good 2 hours to write, which meant I wrote a lot of crap initially. Even after all that time, I spent another hour editing it and decided to post it after getting fed up with reading it. I could have spent another couple of hours, easily.
      My point is that sometimes you have to get all the crap out first before you hit a point of relative satisfaction. And it takes time and patience with yourself and your words to get to that point. And I will pass on something my mother always said to me, when I hadn’t called her for weeks, “You’ll always find time for something that is important to you.” I’m passing it onto you – without the accompanying guilt trip. You’re welcome.

      Like

  28. I can relate with you so much. Many needs to be done at work. The hours are killing me. Even if I love my job, I feel burned out because I could not do the other things that I love. I had no time to draw, write, read, and make things. Also, the work environment is becoming more toxic everyday. As of recently, I was able to get a lot of free time. But, I still could not write or do the other things. I was scared. I did not know how. I realized that it was not the lack of time. The problem was the lack of “me”.

    Liked by 4 people

    • I’m in that awkward space – space that I filled with volunteering and working and being busy all the time. I am constantly staving off rising panic, that feeling that there is something that has to be done. I’m breathing through it and I’m getting excited about the possibilities. Maybe that’s the key to transitioning to a more creative life – imagining the joy and maybe putting down a few words, making a simple project, reading something inspiring – anything to feed your imagination. I wish you the best.

      Liked by 1 person

  29. I hear you. We see ourselves chasing our dreams of being writers. The problem there is that we’re only chasing them, not actually living them. To live the dream is to write, and keep writing, and write even more. I wish you much success!

    Liked by 3 people

  30. I feel like you crawled in my head and wrote this! Me – fifty, daughter – moved out, parents – doing fine, don’t need me hovering over them. I am amazed at what I can find to do instead of working on my writing! Wonderful post here!

    Liked by 5 people

    • Thanks – I have never been more organized than I am at this point in time, due to constantly finding things to straighten up, alphabetize, re-label. It has reached the point of being completely ridiculous. I’m hoping I’ve run this course of nuttiness and can get down to business!

      Liked by 1 person

  31. I really relate to this post. I am also a fellow procrastinator and the majority of how I spend my life is wasting time thinking of how Im going to do something without actually doing it. I have recently started my own blog on WordPress, initially I thought I could discuss and share my views on topics which inspire deep and insightful discussions but I have found when I can bring myself to write it is about the most basic activity consuming my life at the time. I still have not given up hope that through practicing and writing as often as I can I will eventually reach the point where I will be able to connect with people much as you have done with this inspiring piece. Please continue, you make it easier for the rest of us aspiring writers to shutdown the fear of failure and start living through our words.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Thanks for your kind words. I started blogging nearly 4 years ago and it really did help me develop a writing habit, as well as getting over crippling fears about being read by other people. The blogging community in general is a nice place to practice.
      Now it’s time for me to step it up and see my novel re-writes through. It has been a long road, but I’m also a slow learner. Good luck to you on your own journey!

      Liked by 1 person

  32. I have actually just written a novel. It took me over a year. Four hours a day of research, organising paragraphs, characters,locations,plot and agonising over word choice and spell check. Finally I did it and guess what? I have an actual book in my hand and not just online. The thing is I still have more editing to do as I hadn’t proof read every single page. So endless frustration to come but can’t wait for the new improved second edition. The best way to write well is to simply write. Don’t talk about it. Do it. Thanks for your very honest essay. Enjoyed reading it immensly.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Thanks and congratulations on your book draft! I finished a first draft three years ago and have been really dragging my feet on re-writes, but I’m trying to bring a lot of focus and energy to a third draft this year. There’s a long learning curve for me. Hopefully, I’ll have something to shop around by the spring. Best wishes as you work through a second draft!

      Liked by 1 person

  33. You’re passion for writing is wonderful. I too have struggled with the very basic steps of just writing. I used to believe that if I got everything perfect (the perfect pens, the perfect paper, etc) that I would magically become some prolific writer. That never happened. It wasn’t until I took the opposite approach of buying the most basic materials and using them to scribble whatever came to mind that I was able to put pen to paper consistently. Though I still don’t write as much as I’d like, I am again encouraged by your simple advice: write.

    Liked by 4 people

    • It is painfully simple, isn’t it? I know I’m being silly when I start shopping around for software or books on writing – it’s the grasping at straws so I can avoid actually doing the work. As I’ve said to one of the commenters above, sometimes the simplest advice is the hardest to follow. Good luck on your writing!

      Like

  34. “…when I decided I’d become a martial artist, super mom, Japanese ink painter, personal trainer, officer of the law, marathoner, web genius, everywhere volunteer and organic vegan superfreak. It was all research for writing.” This is brilliant and refreshingly forthright. Cheers, from a fellow researcher.

    Liked by 4 people

  35. Is it of some help to say I know how you feel? I don’t think so. I am NOT a writer. I write. Once I quit my job, left family and country and started only writing. – It ended in an desaster. I did nothing, jumping on everything that is not writing (sonds familiary?). Blow it off. Got a job and a family and put out my writing only when I feel the realy need of writing down something. Stopped kissing asses for beeing named somewhere. This “stopping” lined up to five books witch are found in (german) open librarities and – I think – if there is only one human my writing may help, it wasn’t waste of time.

    Liked by 4 people

    • It sounds like you found what works for you. That is really the crux of things – it’s an individual journey. Some teens have figured out what it has taken me nearly 4 decades to learn, but we can’t imitate our way to what works, we just have to keep trying, until something clicks. Best of wishes in your future endeavors!

      Liked by 1 person

  36. being solely a writer is not easy. quitting everything is not easy but when you start to write u feel great. never stop writing. after going in a thousand directions if u are passionate about writing then do continue writing.

    Liked by 3 people

  37. This article is very refreshing ms.michelle… and I can relate on your thoughts as well. I’m a person who dreams to write a novel of my own, too and I have a couple of unfinished stories in their early chapters. Just like you, I have varied interests too… I also joined martial arts, got hooked with crosstitching, crocheting, gardening, jewelrymaking, polymer clay, quilling, soft pastel painting, and the newest being acryllic painting. I even play the guitar and currently on process with the violin. To date, I still have drafts for my blog pending for review. I published a few and even set some on private if it gets too personal. Guess I have a problem opening my heart out for everyone to read. Will I ever get to overcome that?

    Going back to your article, I’ve learned a lot from it while I’m still in mg late twenties and not yet married. I’ll keep on honing my writing skills if I really have the talent for it. MaybeI can write about my endless interests.☺️😊😜

    Regardless, thank you for inspiring me. Its amazing to know that some people like you share the same conflict with someone like me.I’ll definitely follow you so keep writing and inspiring!

    This is the first article I’ve read from you and I’m already inspired. Hope to read more from you!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you. I joke a lot about all my different interests being research for writing, but I’ve come to accept that I will always be interested in a wide range of subjects. It sounds like you’d have a lot of ideas for blog posts.

      The whole spilling of one’s guts online is overrated. I didn’t start out writing posts that put me and my flaws on display. I wrote about yoga, taekwondo, books I’d read, concerts I’d gone to, some politics.

      It’s only been in the last year when I’ve become less precious about my failings and struggles. This, I think is the move towards writing with an authentic voice. And you only need do it if you’re ready. Best wishes as you continue your blogging journey!

      Liked by 2 people

  38. Pingback: winxclubwinx

  39. I love the pressure you put on the deeds to be done. I also need to tell my own thoughts to practice better things and do great work. Thank you for inspiring and mentoring words.

    Liked by 2 people

  40. is it a little tragic that i shed a tear reading that. Every word rang true. I have literally just starting writing a blog but everyone tells me I have a talent. I am at home rearing my three children on my own so exactly like what you say…. my only obstacle is myself. I have a new idea every week and I always say if I were to persue half of them I would be a wealthy woman. So I’m going to focus on this. Try and write it for the love of writing, not to focus on how many people read it. Thanks for the inspiration. You have gained a new fan. Wishing you lots of success.

    Liked by 3 people

    • It’s very easy to get sidetracked by the idea of readers and audience. That nearly always guarantees that I will write something I dislike immensely. I’ve found that if I write what I like, I draw readers who can identify or at least enjoy the writing. That’s the lovely thing about blogging – no one is being forced to read your work or to pay for it, so you can do whatever it is that you want to do. It’s a great practice forum. Good luck with your blog, but most of all, enjoy doing it!

      Liked by 3 people

      • Thank you and I will. If nothing else it will be a lovely way of looking back over a certain period of my life that I live in fear of forgetting.

        Liked by 1 person

  41. A writer is one who writes. It isn’t about publishing (yet). It isn’t about the subject matter. It isn’t about supportive people. Mark Twain said, “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” Basically, whatever your hardest thing to do is (in your case it may be writing), do it first. Do it before checking Facebook. Do it before origami. Do it before anything else. Write.

    Liked by 6 people

    • Good grief. I need a little coffee this morning before getting my ass kicked. I’m sure this staunch advice works for a lot of people, but if I were someone who took advice, rather than earning it the hard way, I wouldn’t be struggling so much.

      I do, however, try to maintain a sense of humor and humility about my own fallibility, as well as appreciating the people who support me. Now I must go fold a swan.

      Liked by 1 person

  42. Really nice comments about your experience with writing. I see it as a healthy activity unless we perform freak actions to achieve experience.

    Liked by 3 people

  43. This is so well said! I’ve more or less done all of the things you have described (well, a version of it) and procrastinated so much about my writing. I’ve also denied calling myself a writer, but like you, I’ve always gone back to it. I can’t say that I write everyday, because I don’t, but at least I’m writing. As you say, just do it.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Much like exercise, the tough part is always in the starting. I’m struggling to make writing a habit, having written regularly, but not scheduled over the last few years. It strengthened my skills, but not my habit. For me, it might be time for a schedule, especially if I want to sell anything.

      Liked by 2 people

  44. I too have lost my job as sole caregiver and have devoted my time to writing. It is difficult because, unlike all other ventures, nobody sees my progress. I could say, oh I wrote a fantastic scene and it made my head spin because now everything is fitting into place, but those around me don’t understand that is success.
    Thanks for writing exactly what I was feeling because now I know it is acceptable! I love the idea that these frustrations are really just ideas for our characters.

    Liked by 2 people

    • You make a good point. Also, unlike other ventures, there is rarely a clear finishing point. I’ve always been goal-oriented and switching to being more process-oriented is tough, but still doable.
      After a good writing session in which I have usually been entertained, I feel pretty damned happy. I have to remind myself of that when I’m getting a slow start to things. And yes, what else should we do with all those unfinished projects and unrealized goals, but write about them? Best wishes in your writing!

      Like

  45. “Write!” Best writing advice of all time. If you’re this good at writing about writing, why fear the actual deed? All the responses to blog posts you put together on the subject should attest to the fact that you’d do a good job if you attempted putting up a masterpiece. Or at least a piece. The taste of the pudding is in the eating, they say.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I don’t fear the actual deed. It’s more likely that I fear failing if I fully commit to writing and try to make some money from it. Still, I won’t know until I do it. I’m just more at the point where I know I have to make it a habit and start treating it as a profession, not a hobby.

      Liked by 2 people

  46. oh this resonates – but i find that i need to write, even if i don’t become awesome. even if i get rejected or fail or include typos and bad grammar. it just helps me get through the slog of every day. that, and coffee. i try to let the writing itself be the thing that satisfies me. as stuart said, keep writing. keep writing.

    Liked by 2 people

    • That’s true for me as well – I have a better day if I’ve written (and had coffee). If writing were the thing that fully satisfied me, I’d likely be in a happier place. The truth is, I want to be read and earn a living. If I don’t, I have to go back to an office cube at some point. That really should motivate me enough!

      Like

      • Maybe you’re afraid of proving to the world you are not as awesome as you want to be. That is something that always holds me back from my best and most worthy enough pursuits.

        Liked by 2 people

  47. Don’t they tell people to just : WRITE. Write it out and think about things later. For me, that is difficult (I’m attempting and keep going back & forth on writing a memoir) but because I am a nurse, I’m a *check off* person. Sort of the “to do” list. Once it’s done, check the box. It makes me feel accomplish but even as a nurse, some times checking those boxes does not make me feel like I did my best nursing care at the end of the shift/day. Of course, I always try to be the best nurse I can be. But in healthcare, in nursing, some things are not in your control (patient’s being admitted, discharging a patient on the hospitals timeline, getting a patient ready for the OR, trying to control a BP that’s high (or low), etc-the list can go on). So I always remind myself, sometimes there are hiccups in our road that makes us *think* we are not doing the adequate job but when it comes down to it-we probably are. After all, that support system of yours must see it-otherwise they probably would have given up on you long before you gave up on yourself.

    So I say—keep plugging along. Yes, we make excuses. Yes, we have needs that are more important. Yes, we may have lazy days or weeks. But in the end, if your goal is there-and you feel & mean it completely-you’ll accomplish it.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Fortunately, I’m a workhorse once I set my mind on something. I’m still in a bit of a transitional phase, but practicing a daily habit of writing.

      Much like your profession requires, I’m a chronic list and documentation person which has actually interfered with me being creative. In some ways, it feels like living a double life – to be so structured, yet hungering to be creative. That’s a challenge in and of itself, but a workable one.

      Best wishes on your memoir writing – nurses are the ground soldiers of medical care – you see and experience so much!

      Liked by 1 person

  48. wrapping up your forties is a bit early for middle-aged angst – yes, set hours, commitment and focus on disciplined writing and it’ll vanish like morning dew 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  49. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | readers+writers journal

  50. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | ilmiodolceinferno

  51. Sing the truth! Great post! I’ve been a procrastinator for years. Only recently have I kicked myself in the *ss and got serious about writing. I’ve played at it for a long time…

    Liked by 2 people

  52. I have also had these struggles and I have been attempting a novel since I was ten. Still have not finished one, have started a hundred others, and edited them to death. I would eventually turn them away in disgust and ask myself, “Who would ever want to read this?” I have been the cause of my own defeat and inability to ever publish anything other than a book review in my college journal. I am attempting now to seek a higher purpose in writing and have started a blog with my sister to help those who have been in abusive relationships. I am attempting to “practice” writing this way since it has been years since I’ve written anything other than a short work email. I need to remind myself why I fell in love with words. Thanks for sharing, your post was open and candid and therefore a good read. I hope to read more from you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for the kind words about the writing. It sounds like you have a good plan. As is my case, developing good writing habits will go a long way towards improving my skills and productivity. And a habit is just what you decide to spend your time on today and then the next day and so on. Good luck to you!

      Liked by 1 person

  53. This is a very interesting article. I see me in it in a way. I have been writing my blog hippydad.com for a little under a year and only intended to use it to vent my depression and attempt to spread peaceful thoughts. But often I find myself trying to be a writer, which I never intended to become one.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Well, people are consistently pointing out to me that if you write, you’re a writer. I’m not completely on board with that, but that’s because of my personal expectations of myself.
      And really, so many people can tell you about a hobby that became a passion that became a career. You just never know what will organically grow from something until you try. Best wishes!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Well I enjoyed reading and I say keep on doing you! I haven’t cared what anyone thinks about me in years and I don’t care to start and what matters most is one’s own personal foundation.

        Liked by 2 people

  54. Real art, which is everything that is new in this world, is a direct extension of your soul. Our souls are vulnerable. That is why it is takes a great amount of bravery to externalize your words on paper, or in this case on the internet :). You are honest. You are a good writer.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks. That’s the beauty of blogging – it’s a practice in bravery. And really, becoming a little less sensitive about your own work, understanding that while your voice is unique, your experiences as a human rarely are.

      Like

      • Thank you for replying. I perfectly agree that it is a practice in bravery. But I actually kind of have to disagree ( a little bit ) with the second part of the statement :
        What is it that makes us individuals? It is the fact that only you see the world from exactly the point in space and time that you see it from. If you sit in a Cafe your perspective will differ from that of the person that sits right next to you. Even if only for a little bit. Maybe s/he is color-blind, or his/her red is brighter than yours. Maybe s/he is an engineer and you are a dancer. Maybe s/he sees the screws in the wall and notices what they are made of. Maybe you see the way the waitress moves and notice her leg is shorter, maybe you like the painting on the wall and think about its meaning, or maybe you are dreaming of a home far away from this planet. Whatever it is that you feel, it is unique in this point in space and time. Maybe it is not grand, maybe it is not useful, maybe not even interesting, but potentially it is all of these. I believe that is our responsibility to record those observations to enrich the world with a new perspective.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I understand what you are saying, but this is a planet of 7 billion people. I like to keep things in perspective. It is my choice not to get too precious about my opinions or my “art”.

          Like

  55. It wouldn’t suffice if I comment with words like “Interesting”, “True”, “Beautiful”, “Nice” Etc, Though all of them apply. I just want to say that, Thanks for writing this Beautiful piece. Feels Relatable, but more Inspiring.

    Yeah, You got this!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks – I’m glad that you found some inspiration here. I’m a little taken off guard by how many people do relate to this, but it just shows you that some experiences are universal. Procrastination and creativity? That’s an easy target!

      Like

  56. You know what I find difficult about writing? Or making music or any other sort of art? It’s that you have no choice but to grow and fail out loud, on display, profoundly public.

    Liked by 3 people

    • This is true and people who like to write reviews and critique art are rarely nuanced. The feedback can be devastating. Still, best to put the blinders on and keep moving forward. Given the choice between being an outstanding business manager or a shitty writer, I’m going with the shitty writer at this point in my life. If you’re going to fail, it’s still worth it to go all out!

      Liked by 1 person

  57. I find this blog post very relatable though I never really call myself writer nor intend to be one. I used to write for self enjoyment and wish to continue simply for pleasure.

    Liked by 2 people

    • There are some things that should be kept for one’s own pleasure. And they don’t need to be anything else. I’ve played the flute for 35+ years, but it’s not for anyone but me. We have a society that tries to monetize everything without taking into account true value.

      Liked by 1 person

  58. Love love love your post! I am doing exactly the same thing. I am whinging about a half assed novel, I am in my 40s, I am in the middle of a literary ‘is this worth it?’ breakdown and all I want to do is write. Please write more stuff as your writing struck a chord with me. Happy Sunday 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks! I sometimes get hung up on the idea of writing literature and it completely messes me up. I might be writing pop schlock for all I know, but I’m going to keep doing it. Not everyone is going to be an Austen or Joyce. I find that I write to amuse myself in most cases and wow, I have a pretty lowbrow sense of humor at times!

      Liked by 1 person

  59. I decided just to write the novel I would like to read. 500 words a day. Noone will ever read it but me. Really happy and not intimidated by thoughts of what anyone else will say or that it isn’t intellectual enough, I am just plain having fun and so far have 40,000 words.

    Liked by 3 people

      • One of my favourite watercolour painters, Jean Haines, says that if you get blocked with insecurities etc just paint for the bin – as if no-one will ever read it it is just going to be thrown in the bin. this really frees you up, because anxieties about what family friends or the general public will think about your work don’t exist. You can enjoy that freedom of writing whatever you like and creating the book that you would love to find on the library shelf.

        Liked by 3 people

  60. i love this! When I was a child, as soon as I learned how to write I would wander life with a notebook under my arm, writing stories, writing poems, finding beautiful ways to describe beautiful things. As I grew older and my insecurities started popping their head from the back of my mind, I starting judging myself too much, doubting myself way too much, and my writing suffered. I’m 22, when I dont write I simply feel lost, my thoughts scattered, my soul in a longing for finding beauty between words. I cant seem to do it frequently though.. Why? I just dont know..I dont believe myself to be a good writer. I fear discovering parts of me that were unknown. Unraveling truths, refreshening healed scars…. But, this is my happy place. So I decided to start to living again! A life of adventure, a life that will awaken in me inspiration. I need to feed my art.

    Liked by 2 people

  61. I’m not sure the point is to be good or bad. To do it a lot of a little. The point is you do what makes you content. Or slightly less unhappy. The good and bad exists in your mind and if you aren’t content with something yet either you haven’t figured something out within yourself, or it’s just not right.
    I like to read your blog. It has a flow and energy to it. Keep going.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks! The struggle for me is actually a good sign. I’m rarely a contented kind of person unless I’m wrestling with myself. It’s one of those things I’ve finally admitted is simply part of my nature. I love the puzzling out of things, even my own emotions. But I will keep on writing – that’s part of my nature as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  62. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | vitanova360

  63. Little by little, you will get there, Michelle. I think writing takes a lot of patience and, yes, allowing yourself to fail. You’re awesome. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! Just go for it. xo

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks, Amy! I think I’ve finally hit the end of the road on hemming and hawing about writing. It’s either this or back to cube work. And nobody, I mean nobody, wants me in their office after I’ve spent the last few years undoing any social etiquette I used to have!

      Liked by 1 person

  64. Hiii! 🙂 I think your blog is awesome and i cannot wait for the next. You are a wonderful write. Just believe in yourself and put down whatever is on your mind. You’ll do wonders.
    Well that is how i started mine too. impeccablehopes started out of nowhere. I have always wanted to write but never took myself as a writer seriously. When one day, this all happened.

    And about buisness, why not connect with a publishing home and make a book out of your posts. It’ll be amazing. And I’m sure the prople will love it and will definitely want to see more of you.
    GoodLuck.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you. This blog is practice ground, so I have no plans to ever monetize or to compile it as a published work. There are some terrific bloggers who have done that quite nicely, but that was never my intent here. Thanks for the good wishes and good luck to you as well!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Thats good 🙂 Hope you do come out with some successful works. Definitely looking forward to it.
        And if you do not mind, I’d love to know what you think of mine. And if you really love what i do, do share with family friends and maybe even on social media. I only look forward to helping people with what i write. Thank you.
        Cheers.

        Liked by 2 people

  65. Oh I so loved this one!!!! Magnificent! Inspiring! Thank you thank you! I literally had just texted a friend before I read this “when I grow up I think I want to be a geologist/alchemist/good witch”. My friend’s reply “sit down and write girl: you’re 48”

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks – glad you could find some inspiration here. I turned 48 in August and it felt like a sledgehammer. It was that magical number “out there” by which time I’d be published. When it came and went, it made me really think about how I’d been just playing at writing, which is how this post originated. There are still so many things I want to do, but writing is at the top of the list!

      Liked by 1 person

  66. considering i am only at 14 years of age and aspiring to write to inspire others, i have a lot less experience than you. What i can tell you however is that when i read this article, i felt so excited to write and bring people to other worlds unimaginable! You know why? based on how i understood your article, you are such an amazing person :)) i especially love:
    “Here’s the thing about inner conflict: it’s the heart of everything.”
    made me think!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I wrote when I was 14 – essays and poetry, long journal entries. And then I wrote for my school paper. And then I wrote for my college paper. I got a little sidetracked over the next few decades, but I’m back at writing again. If it’s something you love to do, it apparently becomes a homing device that you can always return to. Best wishes to you on your journey!

      Liked by 2 people

  67. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | racingmythoughts

    • I have to often work to turn my “trying” to “doing”. And sometimes, things just take that long to brew. I have a 2nd novel that has been waiting to be written for about 30 years. It seems pretty amazing that an idea has hung on that long and it’s worth really thinking about why.

      Liked by 2 people

  68. I am so glad that I found this. You’re post is perfect and you’re writing is awesome. I’m sitting here in a coffee shop writing and reading and avoiding and just this morning I said to myself. Write. Writers write. The end. And here I am. So thank you 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  69. Very happy to wake up to read this! I have been writing since i was a small child and continue to do so in my free time, I can completely relate to the feeling of being out of tune with yourself and not grasping that which is right in front of you. It’s like having the work of your dreams written and as a book in front of you but no matter how hard you try, you just can’t open it. Thank you for voicing this common problem among those who try to enthrall with a pen.

    Liked by 3 people

  70. Write, this is one advice every blogger has ever given to me. And i have taken that advice to the heart. I am still young and years to get a good writing groove, so you say.

    Good luck and thank you for this post.

    Liked by 3 people

  71. I want to read more from you! This is uper amazing! I like the part where you say the only one holding you back is you coz I totally relate! So many times I have stuff on my mimd and I go “I’ll write about this!” but the moment I sit down to write I’m faced with the fear that my writing is crap. So I just end up not writing. But hey, for all its worth, you are an amazing writer!!! I am definitely following you so that I can read every other piece! Keep writing 😊

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks for the kind words on the writing. A lot of people have mentioned the fear of writing badly. Maybe I’m just too old to have that fear. Who cares if you write crap? I think everything starts out as crap and that is where skills come in – you work at it until it looks less and less like crap. But the bottom line is, you have to start with something. So write on, crap or otherwise!

      Liked by 2 people

  72. Wow. Inspirational yet relatable. I couldn’t tell you the countless times I’ve procrastinated instead of writing my next blog piece or even just a little piece of literature. I’m with ya sister! Although, a face kick from a 12 year old doesn’t sound too enjoyable. I think I’ll uh… Take a rain a check on that.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Ha! That face kick left me with a black eye for a week. My husband didn’t want to go anywhere with me, because people kept giving him the stink eye. Still, if I could put up with that and a hundred other humiliating things, writing shouldn’t be such a difficult task. Just me getting in my own way.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Spoken like a true (struggling) artist. Writing is a journey, a slow moving ship through a sea of negative emotions and creative blockades waiting for you just beneath the water. But even out to sea, the deadliest storms bring rainbows. Believe me, no one wants to see you fail.

        Liked by 3 people

  73. I love what you said about everyone taking you seriously as a writer but yourself. I was struggling with that thought today regarding my music and language interests. I was asked if I was a musician and a writer and I hesitated to to say yes because it feels conceited. I’m also guilty of comparing myself to my idols who, in the shadow of their talents, it is hard to consider myself near comparison.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks. That comparison thing never works out well for anyone. I read other writers these days to figure out their sleight of hand, so I can learn from it. Sometimes it can be very intimidating.
      I got hung up on what to call myself, especially after I left a paying job and then I realized that was the most superficial aspect of all of this. What we say, what we call ourselves is never going to matter as much as what we do.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I have a post about that called limitations. One thing that I’ve come to find is that we are uncomfortable in outlives unless we have a word to call everything and in a way, this is limiting. I like the way you put that though! Thank you for this post and discussion!

        Liked by 2 people

  74. Hi..I like to write..n I m new blogger too..I don’t know how to write in a blog..but I motivate myself..no one z perfect at first. Right..ur blog motivates me..thanks for that..

    Liked by 3 people

  75. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | theosharonrose

  76. Hahaha! Found myself laughing and nodding throughout … words that are obviously resonating with many writers and this poet for sure! Your writing style is wonderful, breath of fresh air … clean, clear and candid! Yum, perfect!! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks – so glad you enjoyed reading it. Procrastination is definitely a universal theme when it comes to writers. Of course, I can laugh about it, but these days, it’s quickly followed by admonishment that it’s not quite as funny as it used to be!

      Liked by 3 people

  77. You are a writer, you wrote an insightful, witty blog post that hooked me in the beginning and carried me right through to the comments. Believe me, that is something many try and fail. Couldn’t help but smile when I read of all the endeavors that you tried in your 40s. I tried the same thing. There is something about your 40s that makes you want to get a lot in. I’m 61 now and I have come to realize that there are only so many hours in a day and I probably have more days behind me than ahead of me, so I choose carefully how to spend my time. Please keep writing, you’re doing just fine.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you. I will likely continue cultivating all my weird interests, but move writing front and center, time-wise. As you point out, there are only so many hours in the day and now that I have fewer responsibilities, I can make some different choices. Not that it will be easy – old habits die hard! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

      Like

  78. Honest and every word is stright from heart…. Reading ur blog was like reading ur mind …a beautiful mind …yes you have a beautiful mind and let me tell you …you are at the beginning of ur life …..Life beigins at 40 !!!!! Congrats on your new beginning ….you will be a wonderful writer …..just continue writing what your beautiful mind speaks !!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  79. What a beautiful piece of writing and something I completely relate to. I have been writing a book now for 2 years and as I seem to have lost my way with I am now attempting a blog. Your words have inspired me! You certainly have a talent for writing

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for your kind words on the writing. I have been painstakingly slogging through a rough draft of a first novel, but I realized that I really need to focus on it to see it so fruition and stop playing around. Good luck with your book and with blogging!

      Like

  80. Don’t throw in the towel…Be mindful the race is not given to the swift but to the one who endures. #DontQuitEndure It seems you are engaged with a raw truth when you write. Sounds like passion to me. As I read I thought of how I started writing thinking it was all my idea. Truth is writing was embedded in me eventually I would have evolved to write just as you have done. I am now in the process of my debut book being published. I daily post on three different social media venues. Our purpose is typically birthed out of what man would say is a flaw. Ponder that my sweet friend. Blessings to you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • In the world of fables, I am the quintessential tortoise and I joke when I say if I fail, I’ll move onto something else. Writing is what I always return to and I’m finally accepting that. It’s just time to do the work.
      Congrats on your debut book! And for juggling social media, which I have little patience for (this blog is it). Best wishes to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  81. I mean to give my humble opinion, by reading only that post of you and not knowing you at all, you seem to be very skilled & hardworking but in the same time focus mainly on how you’re being a writer (it’s irrelevant how much you invest in your writing environment)
    and your trouble with it your profession, it seems to me that you have all you need except the motivation to transport a meaningful message, you not just wanna write to call yourself a writer right, you have a story to tell and an incredible message and so on right so let go of all that not important stuff and put it on the paper! you can do it, no doubt! all the best !

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I’d never write off having a nice environment to work in, although I know that the lack of one shouldn’t be an obstacle. Mostly, it’s just changing how I manage time and bringing some focus to my projects. Best wishes!

      Liked by 1 person

  82. Wow! I could’ve written this piece. I completely get where you’re coming from. Especially the part about becoming less employable. I’m right there with you. I constantly have to remind myself why I write. I wish you the best, and hope you can find the balance you need. Just keep writing. That’s what everyone tells me…

    Liked by 3 people

    • I think it will just take a little time to adjust to having more time. I worked from home for so many years and now not at all, especially with the caregiving lightening up. My excuses for not giving writing most of my attention are pretty thin on the ground. But if I’ve learned anything about myself, sometimes that’s what it takes to get moving. Good luck to us both!

      Liked by 1 person

  83. Jot down.. Now sit and jot down.. I’ve been thinking this for about 6 months now but wasn’t able to. After reading this piece, probably I’ll actually start writing now! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  84. A few years ago, when I wasn’t doing much of anything, I tried to write fiction and couldn’t think of anything to write about. Now that I’m in law school and am hopefully on my way to a good job, I have a lot of ideas. It’s strange how that works. I think the more active my mind is, the more ideas I have to write about – and the less time I have to write them. I know people say that to truly commit to writing, you have to quit everything else and just write, but I don’t think that’s true for all people.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’ve really only quit the things that were taking up a lot of time and energy with little in return. I can’t imagine a life where I didn’t continue to pursue my interests, it’s just that I have to move writing front and center and stop treating it as a hobby. But yours is an interesting observation. I do get more done when I’m busier, but I think it might be time management habits for me. Not sure, still getting used to a different schedule.
      Thanks for taking the time to read and contribute to the conversation!

      Like

  85. Yep, all true. I too could have written this blog entry – either ten years ago or now. Just keep writing. The best advice I was given was from another author (he was published at the time, I wasn’t then) was exactly that, with this caveat: you write for you. He said “I woke up the day after the launch party, and realized that, yep, I’d written a book, and no, no-one really cared except me, and going back to that keyboard was the hardest thing I’d ever done. ” For a long time I had that quote hanging over my desk.

    Liked by 2 people

    • That’s certainly good advice. I’ve gotten caught in the paralysis of thinking about the audience and I’ve produced garbage when that happens. My best writing comes when I entertain myself.

      Thanks for taking the time to read this post and share advice. It’s appreciated!

      Like

  86. Hey, the topic of this article was really interesting to me because often times when I get down I try to make myself feel like I’m fictional( sounds ridiculous but it’s fun) as if I’m a character in a book, a figure in a photograph, someone who’s too good to be true and I love that feeling so the title just got to me . The thing is I think you still have kick in you! I think the biggest thing to write about is sitting right under your nose and you’re not acknowledging it( maybe idk hear me out) how does this sound: the story of an author who was like in their 60s and didn’t really hav much going on in their life at the time and had spent the majority of their young life trying to pursue a career in writing and would always write great stuff only to finally be given a chance to publish their first book at this stage in life and coincidentally having writer’s block at the exact same time. So it’s about their struggle to find a muse first of all ( this can literally be an amazing book please write it ) imagine all the ways someone can search for a muse and all the places someone can find one omg i should write this XD and then the muse can be a main character trying to help them overcome writer’s block. thing three: when i read your article i really felt like i was reading it from the point of view of a character in a book and that’s pretty cool.

    Liked by 2 people

  87. Gracias! Me he identificado con algunas de las cosas que dices. Me gusta escribir, pero la mayoría de las veces tengo una buena excusa para no sentarme a escribir. Estoy en mis 30’s, a punto de ser padre, pero, manos a la obra!!

    Liked by 2 people

  88. Hey, great going, wish you all the luck. Lately I’ve started writing small piece but now moved to WordPress. Writing is something that pours out of mind, you don’t need to think, its natural phenomena that strikes us.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you. Writing is perhaps a natural phenomenon, but working at it doesn’t come so naturally for me. This is where any sort of talent becomes useless – when it’s not tried and tested and developed.That’s what I must do now. I wish you luck as well!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, you are true on your part.
        I’m just an amateur writer, I can say. Try listening to some music, it helps a lot. I never tried above 200 words. But now I feel the need, that I should move with more words. So this just came up in my mind for you
        ” All we can left for others is words that makes sense, when put together in a manner”

        Liked by 1 person

  89. Indeed a wonderful post Michelle! I have started writing with the hidden purpose of expressing fiction stories and known purpose to understand how marketing works. As I wrote more and more posts, the only purpose left is to collate the thoughts in a story and that’s what I did. Though I am not a passionate write, I hope to be one someday. Your post is truly inspiring and I wish you luck for the same in the future.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for your kind words. I’m trying to transition from personal essay writing to short fiction and to finish the rewriting of my first novel draft. I haven’t been particularly passionate about it, because my energy was being pulled into so many directions. Hopefully with a little focus that will change. Wish you the best in your writing journey!

      Liked by 1 person

  90. I completely relate!!! I used to write poetry , won contests for it all the time, my short stories always above and beyond , I had kids at a young age so list touch with my writing …. I finally put my foot down and have attempted blogging here at WordPress! I love it ! I hope to start writing poetry again and publishing them thru my blog!!

    Liked by 1 person

  91. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | ruthgomezv

  92. We move internationally every two to three years with my husband’s job and I find that I have to constantly reinvent myself, even though I really am still the same me with the same issues each time. In reading your post I felt like I could easily relate to your experience as a writer, in trying so many ways to express and define yourself, only to learn to embrace exactly who you are. When we move I feel like a chameleon whose background gets changed and all the hard edges show so much more, and parts of me that blended to where I didn’t know they were edges show up — it’s then a learning process to understand myself more, work on softening the rough areas, and loving myself even when I clash with the environment. It’s a maturing process I think, just like your writing is the outlet for yours. Thanks for putting all that into such great words. It was uplifting to read this over my tea this morning!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for the kind words. Wow – you have a lot of fodder for conversation and/or writing. I feel like I’ve lived numerous lives and like I’ve gone through all these changes. Looking back, though, and writing about it, has made me realize that there are things about me that are just who I am, irrelevant to where I am, who I’m with or what I’m doing. Life became easier when I stopped fighting it and I’m finally getting to the point of trying to see the advantages of being whatever it is I am.

      Like

  93. congrats for being freshly pressed… a great way to find the recognition that WP puts forth. I can only imagine what it must feel like. I truly enjoy the congigative forms in the feel of your writing of past, present and future and am inspired to keep things as simple as you have here. Thank you for writing.

    Liked by 2 people

  94. “And here I am, wrapping up my forties in a clusterfuck of unresolved personal issues and middle-aged angst.” You maybe a bit ahead of me in age, and I may be a bit ahead of you in writing, but so much this. In fact all of the above (bar kids). Best of luck.

    Liked by 2 people

  95. This resonates with me so deeply. I’m now coming to believe that I might also be chronologically challenged when it comes to writing and a big-time procrastinator! Anyway, it was a great read. Really enjoyed it!

    Liked by 2 people

  96. Thank GOD there is another forty something, born-to-be writer with everything in place and yet not a damn word on a piece of paper….Or at least not enough to form any sort of publishable construct. A soul sister…..thanks for letting me know I am not alone and maybe there is hope yet….as soon as I stop commenting on blog posts about writing and actually. write. something.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Well, I have actually written…just not very quickly or to completion. I started blogging 4 years ago and did National Novel Writing Month in 2012. That’s something you might want to check out, just to get the motor running (It’s a month away!). Although, I wrote complete dreck (50,000 words of it), it was a good first novel experience.
      Still, writing is as writing does and I haven’t done enough at this point. But as you can see from all the comments, you are definitely not alone!

      Like

    • I experimented with the word count approach, especially after doing 50K for NaNoWriMo. It’s been good trying different methods, because what works for someone else might not work for you. I’m taking the time approach – an hour at a time. That keeps me in place and forces me to do something. Thanks for the good wishes – good luck to you as well!

      Like

  97. Omg! I really need to comment on this one. I feel your struggle,if we may call it a struggle. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but i’m in the same position. I’ve had jobs, i’m considering a human rights degree, but in the end it’s all about writing. It feels like i can’t escape it!
    It was a really good read, and i hope you can make so much more than origamis.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks! I don’t think I’m well-suited for arts and crafts – no patience at all. Writing, on the other hand, is really absorbing if I just get my butt in the chair and stay there a bit. A human rights degree sounds fascinating and think of how much fire it would put into your writing! I couldn’t have just focused on writing earlier than I have – I would have missed so many experiences. And there’s no saying it’s an either-or situation. Good luck to you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I do agree with you, it’s all about the timing, you need the experiences to become who you are, and who you are makes the writing. I don’t know if i’m making sense. Yes, a Human Rights degree would make much to my writing, but there’s this other Editorial degree, that could do something my writing as well. so i have to choose, at least this year. Good luck to you too!

        Liked by 2 people

  98. “…there are certain things that you will never change about yourself.”

    Yup, and everyone has a string of failures like tacky oversized faux pearls but the trick is not to focus on them so much and make them such a big, hairy deal in the scheme of things. A writer knows what to leave out. Do you?

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think all those tacky over-sized faux pearls are terrific fodder for writing and blabbing about my failures is kind of my shtick. Your comment seems pointed, but is lost on me. Thanks for taking the time to read the post.

      Like

    • Thank you. I did NaNoWriMo three years ago and am still struggling to fix that novel (on the 3rd draft). From reading these comments, I think I’ve given the impression that I haven’t been writing at all. I have been, but inconsistently and without focus. I’m finally reaching a point where I need to commit to move beyond amateur status. Have you done NaNoWriMo? How was your experience?

      Like

      • You’ll get there, it just takes a bit of time! I’m the same, I usually start off with good intentions but instead I’ve ended up with a collection of half finished bits of writing! I haven’t but I’ve really wanted to the past couple of years, so this time around I’m taking the plunge and going for it – starting to jot down a few ideas and plans so that I’ll be ready – wish me luck! Would you do nanowrimo again?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Since I’m up to my ears in rewrites, I’m not going to do it this year, but it might be fun to do again at some point. It is well worth doing at least once, though. When I did it, I came down with a terrible flu that lasted a couple of weeks, so much of it I wrote stoned on Nyquil. That might have been why I ended up with such a mess. Good luck and have fun!

          Liked by 1 person

  99. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | momasedi

  100. What a fantastic post. I identified with so much of this. Right down to your salty muse. I’m in the chaotic early 30s stage of your timeline – marriage, baby rearing, full time office work. I keep thinking, “When I finally have time…” But then I do have time, after the work is done and the baby is in bed and the bottles are washed, and my master’s homework complete. And when I finally have time, I collapse on the couch and watch 3 episodes of Pretty Little Liars because I just can’t conceive of more “work”. And then day after day, stories assemble themselves in my brain and distract from my work and make me daydream about “when I’m a writer”. It’s a vicious cycle. My husband calls me a writer, after all it’s what I do for work. But to myself, I won’t be one until I’ve gotten something big out of my head – a whole novel, perhaps.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can absolutely relate to your experiences. It’s the sheer exhaustion by the end of the day and all you want to do is vegetate. I hear of writers working under all sorts of circumstances, but I can’t get past being so damned tired. I’m finally reaching a time when I’m not juggling so much. The writing habits just aren’t in place, but they will be.
      Hopefully, you can figure out something that keeps you connected to non-work writing until things slow down a bit (and yes, I hear the maniacal laughter – it seems like life never does). Maybe you can keep a notebook of notes when story ideas pop into your head. Best wishes to you!

      Like

  101. We now live in a space and time when clarity in purpose and sense of accomplishment may easily be diluted by the volume of our own knowledge. And like the misheard lyrics of a popular melody, most each of us understand your battle to be as our own. Being a solo act, the writer is likely more sensitive to the modern desires, distractions and dilemmas; yet we all want and feel. It is from this that we must create.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think modern living is ADD writ large – the access to so much knowledge, much of it trivial and the constant stream of ideas that are marketed to us, it really is amazing any of us can focus. However, as an introvert and eventual hermit, writing is how I make sense of the chaos. I like the misheard lyrics analogy – so much is about personal perception. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

  102. We all have these inner stories that we tell ourselves. (those are the ‘inner recordings’ that we listen to for some reason that tell us we CAN’T do something and WHY that is. As a new NLP practitioner I am offering a limited number of FREE NLP Skype sessions. NLP has been remarkable at helping transform those hidden limiting beliefs. If you are curious, check out my site. PersonalAccessToHealth.com or my blog SPARKLES of Life at PathToSelfblog.wordpress.com

    Liked by 2 people

    • That’s my job this next week – setting up deadlines for the process of getting my novel re-writes done, as well as doing a synopsis and outline. It’s backwards planning, but hopefully it will lead me out of the swamp of this novel. Good luck with your new business and writing!

      Liked by 1 person

  103. I must say in just reading this post, you’re a terrific writer. I really appreciated your openness and humor. You expressed yourself exquisitely. Good luck and I totally agree…you’ve got this!

    Liked by 2 people

  104. It is so easy to empathise with your story and even your personality. I do exactly the same thing when I think of my job and my future; I panic. You see your life fold out in front of you as a map with thousands of roads and there is usually only one thing that will stay with you down each path. You are clearly a writer and I look forward to reading more about your journey as a novelist.

    Liked by 2 people

  105. What can I say all the good comments were gone and all that was left was this one.

    Clarity is a bitch sometimes…well…when it’s about you.

    I write also, as well, sometimes.

    Your doin fine, keep telling the truth, keep telling lies.

    Tell lies with truth… tell just lies?.

    Art is only about imagination.

    Do you know who Jon Rappoport is…might put some wood in your stove.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s hard living life if you can’t face your own truths and I’ve gotten pretty good at “fessin’ up”, which has led me here. I think art can be a purer truth than our perceptions of reality, but only if it’s done well. I’m going to reach for that standard and see where it gets me. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

      • “It’s hard living life if you can’t face your own truths and I’ve gotten pretty good at “fessin’ up”, which has led me here.”

        Strange I had the same thoughts, and would have said the same thing to you.

        Liked by 2 people

  106. Fantastic blog, I used to write and then I stopped for, well I’m sure for a million different reasons, none of which were the reason. Sometimes you have to live a little bit more, experience a little bit more, feel a little bit more…and sometimes you just have to give yourself time to really understand all that has happened and really check in with yourself. You’ll get there when you get there, don’t forget to enjoy the journey.

    L

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think I’ve been of the mind that I’ll get there when I get there for about 30 years, but I’m here and I think it’s time. And I’m one of those awful people who doesn’t enjoy the journey unless I’ve gotten lost, hit potholes, run out of gas and gotten food poisoning. My bliss is usually odd. Still, thanks for your lovely comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  107. You said something that really spoke to me, what you said: We are our own best friend and in turn…our own worst enemy. This has proven very true for me in my writing. I cannot tell you the number, or count how many of my own works I have thrown away because they simply do not measure up. Thankfully, my husband put an end to that. I am trying a ‘box’ method. When I write something, even if I do not think I will use it, I put it away. One never knows when an old idea might come in handy! I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I’m a shredder and destroyer of my own work, so I can relate to that inclination. I know a lot of people find nuggets in notebooks they’ve saved for years. I just figure if it’s a good idea, I will either do something about it or remember it later.

      Thanks for the good wishes and the best of luck to you as well!

      Liked by 2 people

    • On the other hand, it’s a skill to take criticism and turn it over to see if anything is worth keeping. Most of us have pretty thin skin when it comes to our own work, myself included.
      From my understanding, writers’ groups are like therapists. You have to find one that works for you. I’m not fond of groups and the few workshops I’ve done, I didn’t enjoy.
      Groups being what they are, though, it’s worth looking at some writing group guidelines online to see if your group is set up to be more helpful than damning.
      Good luck on finding your way!

      Liked by 2 people

  108. Like others here, I am impressed by your idea of ‘not writing’. 🙂 Nonetheless, wishing you luck on your continued journey! My personal passion is fiction but I can’t seem to keep steam after the first 30k of words, so this year I’m going to try and do NaNo. I saw on your profile you’ve already done that, which to me is a pretty big feat in itself!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think I’m acknowledging the difference between what I’m actually doing and where I’d like to go. I would like to be a stronger fiction writer. As much as I love blogging, it only strengthens my personal essay, shorter form writing skills.
      NaNoWri Mo is a great way to push yourself past whatever obstacles you have. It did get my novel writing started, although I’m floundering on taking it from a rough to polished draft. Good luck to you this November and have fun!

      Liked by 1 person

  109. ‘I want to meet her.’ I thought as I read this. Over tankards of coffee, preferably Irish. I’m heading for 40 in a month and was considering kick boxing because the 30s are done and… well, you said the rest. You’re an amazing writer. Thank you for being real. I’m going to wait for your book!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks! I’m fairly underwhelming in person, but I do love my coffee. I took up Taekwondo when I was 43. It was a very powerful experience for me in that I learned what I was physical capable of in terms of strength. I did get injured A LOT, but I also had so much fun. I still practice, but I don’t want to do full contact sparring anymore.
      I think the 40s have been great – better than any time before. Good luck and have some fun!

      Liked by 1 person

  110. Just envy those who know clearly about what they wanna do or what they could do well.I am on my twenties,but I am still wasting my time looking for the things I wanna do.

    Liked by 2 people

  111. Pingback: Thank You…Now It’s Time to Get to Work | The Green Study

  112. Hi Michelle… In the words of Rob Johnson (some fella I recently met online), “I think being a writer or at least part of it entails that we, as individuals, have a lot of pain to express. It doesn’t really matter what the impetus for our pain is. It doesn’t matter whether we’re young or old-pain is pain and writing is not only our way of expressing that pain the best way we know how, but it’s for many of us ‘our shot”…

    So hey, if a brilliant writer like you starts complaining about the tribulations of this craft, I really see no future for budding amateurs like me.. LOL. Nonetheless, this is a good read.. Write on, my fellow author 🙂 Cheers.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for the kind words. I try not to work too much along the line of the artist-in-pain trope. Sometimes I write from a happy place. That’s the thing about writing – it’s an all-season, all-mood activity.
      I’m not sure I’m complaining so much about the tribulations of writing as I am the tribulations of being me. I get exasperated with myself for wanting to do something, and then not doing it.
      Good luck with your writing!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I struggle with the same issues. I wrote all the time in my early adolescence and teens, but I allowed life’s every day tasks (college, work, marriage, parenting) to convince me I no longer have time. I also allowed all the “doubters” and “realists” in my life convince me I’d be happier in a mainstream career making “good money” than doing what I love for a living. I feel like my brain is stuck in a relentless cycle of procrastination and consequent frustration, addled by my perfectionist nature and further compounded by a total lack of self confidence and an overwhelming fear of failure. I’m trying desperately to get back into writing, just a bit at a time, and your post was very inspiring. It’s wonderful to know I’m not as alone as I imagined.

        Liked by 1 person

  113. I love this post so much. This. Is. Me. To the T. This inspired me!!! It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this.

    Liked by 2 people

  114. This is exactly what I needed to read. I feel so inspired. I’m glad you chose to write again. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  115. Ok let me first say, I totally get where you are coming from. I’ve been there. Second, yes I agree with the advice that if you want to write, well, then WRITE! But I will go a little further. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Start a plan that works for you like, write 10 lines a day. Or even up that to whatever is manageable. But my best advice? WALK! Just go for a walk anywhere, preferably somewhere inspiring. Don’t plan to think about anything. Clear your mind and take in the view and let your thoughts take on their own shape. Then return to the table and begin. See what happens! I am speaking from experience as it has tremendously helped me. Best of luck.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for sharing your experience. You’re right, I put tons of pressure on myself. Unfortunately, I’m not a particularly laid back person and never have been, so I do spend a lot of time walking, running and gardening to take the edge off.
      Thus far, blocking off an hour at a time is working and I think I’m transitioning into a working writer- finally. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  116. This speaks to me so loudly! Ive been a writer in my journal for so long and am just now starting to blog! Love what perspective you have on writing, so inspiring. Keep on going on. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  117. Pingback: Being Fiction, Instead of Writing It | dbutterflychic

  118. Michelle! I quit my job to try and write as well. I wish you the best of luck, and if nothing else, we can form a support group 🙂 Loved this piece, very similar to my own journey right now.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for the good wishes. It’s a scary thing not to have a job or role to define oneself by. Somehow, it makes the matter of actually being a writer seem a little more urgent. Let’s make a go of things!

      Like

  119. Loved this! Stay encouraged! This was really really good! Beyond actually. I laughed out loud a few times! I could feel you desire and your disappointment all at the same time! Whenever I can be transported or feel the emotion of the words the writer has written; I know I’ve embarked on a great story!

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply to chassi1995 Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: